crush

Nakita ko nanaman sya. Ang sarap tlaga ng feeling.. lalo na kung nakakausap ko pa siya. Napapansin kaya niya na type ko siya? Wag naman sana at ako'y mahihiya talaga.. Ngunit napag-isip isip ko.. Mas mabuti din siguro na alam niya. Malay ko, ganun din siya.. (Asa pa ako!) haha

untitled

I don’t deserve this
Never in my life have I felt so humiliated
Disrespected, unwanted - What else can I say?
Should've predicted this would happen

At one point, everything was all good
After quite a while, it just turned out otherwise
Strange things really happen - Why so?
And the cycle goes on

Before I try to shoot myself in the foot . . .

I just wish I have the ability of Hiro Nakamura and see what's in it for me if I decided to jump over that friggin grey area of ethics. Ethics? haha i just don't know what word should I use. Anyway, it's really hard to know if options placed in grey areas are mistakes if we didn't even try to do it.

Maybe... mistakes are meant to be done, so in the future you could look at that "thing" as a mistake and learn from it. haha! *confused* But yeah.. If you didn't do it at all, you will not learn that it was a mistake.. and maybe.. you will just eventually do it later in your life.

The hell, cross that Hiro Nakamura thing. Maybe, if i will not allow myself to do something because I'm afraid that it will be wrong, the butterfly effect of not doing it will just alter the situation and maybe it'll just be worse than what it should have been. haha.

But hey, I'd love to see myself in the future, dealing with the thing I did, wrong or right, and eventually share it with my future children. haha. yeah! hahaha!

Or just by having this second thought, have I already shot myself in the foot? Ouch.

Snow

It was a very normal day... And it was time for me to go someplace else. As I entered the plane, I was looking for a vacant seat since it was free seating. But I was not able to find a row where in all the seats were vacant. So the first thing I did was look for the row closest to me that only had one person seated. Fortunately, I was able to find one where in only one person is seated at the part beside the window. Then I sat at the other end of the row, leaving a seat between me and the person at beside the window. It did not want to sleep during the flight since it was just a one hour trip.

When the plane took off, the person sharing the same row with me turned out to be a very beautiful girl. Her skin was white and eyes were very brown in color. Then she looked at me and offered chewing gum. I was mesmerized by her looks that why I got the chewing gum she offered and said thanks. Then we just talked about the places where we came from and the places where we intend to go. Then later, she said… “look! It’s snowing!” so I looked out the window. It really was snowing! The glass had tiny bits of snowflakes. Then I said .. “it’s so beautiful..” Then we looked at each other and smiled… Even though I can’t see her face since she was looking out the window, I was partly looking at her. She really is beautiful! How I wish I had a girl who looked like this.

Then we were about to reach our destination. I just kept quiet and though about all the good things that has happened to me the whole week. And I added what just happened to that list.. When the plane landed, I was not able to talk to her since I was busy getting my things. But fortunately, I got a chance to see her in the place where our baggage should be claimed. Then she said “Nice knowing you even if it was just a short time”.. Then I also thanked her. This was the first and last time I saw her...

Torn

There are life situations that require us to choose and for all cases, it is between what is right, and what is wrong. Choosing the right one is what everyone expects us to do. However, not choosing the wrong thing will not automatically imply choosing the right thing and for most cases, we still choose the wrong thing by not choosing the right thing.

Being right is the best and at the same time hardest choice. It means hitting it straight in the bull’s-eye, not near, not almost, but exactly in the middle, nothing more, nothing less.

Nonetheless, what if none of the options you have is right? How would you exactly know that by not choosing actually means doing the right thing?

Stairs..

Me and my friend were walking up the stairs to our next class when all of a sudden "someone" passed between us. Then out of the blue I told my friend. "friend" ang ganda pala ni "someone" noh. I did not know why I uttered those words, all I can say is that I meant every word that I said back then until now.

Appear Offline

You are the cream of the crop and I am not.

Everytime I see our picture on the window sill, I can't help but wonder, what happened to you all these years. Maybe you are busy pursuing your academic goals or busy finishing that paper off for your next class. It has been years since I last heard from you.

I don't know, but it delights me whenever a glass window pops out from the middle of nowhere with you asking how am I or what I have been doing unexpectedly. It made my day when you left a comment on that social networking profile when I didn't expect it especially on my birthday when I am thinking all the troubles I will have to face in life. I know you're busy working on your academic requirements, but it delighted me when we chatted for hours exchanging stories and insights with me making sure that every sentence that I entered is gramatically correct.

I feel sad that I have made my decision when we are about to cross paths, I didn't know, I am surprised when you told me. But anyways, I'll let you feel that I would do anything for you.

But wait, we are not that close then and we're worlds apart. You are the cream of the crop and I am not. Though I am looking forward to the day where I can ask you for dinner and take everything offline.

Attachment

It’s a while since there was a last post here in IT LOVELIFE. I was just wondering what I as an ITLOVELIFE member can write here in our love showered website. Without further ado, I shall ask my readers to what they think.

Is it possible to have internal feelings for a special friend that you have known for quite a long span of time?

This friend is a friend that you have known and became acquainted to the extent that you are close with each other. This friend is also somewhat like a mentor, bestfriend and/or confidant to you.

In addition, you also try to limit yourself on just being friends for some reasons. One of which is to retain your friendship to one another but still you are feeling an attachment to this person.

Then finally, is liking a certain somebody easy in our lives? To the degree that you like a certain somebody because either you like the person or you just feel attached to that certain individual.

Philosophical Infatuation

I am very confused. I don't know who I really like..

Anyway,

There’s this girl that I think I really like.. but I rarely see her.. it’s kinda lucky and kinda sad.. lucky because if I don’t see her maybe my feelings will go away.. sad because deep inside I wanna see her.. but I’m not gonna discuss her in this post..

Moving on..

I love philosophy subjects. I think I’m really good at it. I think I’m very good at it that I feel I could afford to sleep at those subjects.. I always get to sit and sleep at the back.. away from the prying eyes of professor ego.. hehe

There’s this girl classmate at professor ego’s class.. I’ll just call her for now as miss philo.. I know her because she was my former classmate at a Cas subject, I recognized her as pretty but at that time, my mind was focused on thinking about one other girl..

Now I notice her a lot.. The way she dresses is so cute J.. it’s like she’s putting a lot of effort on the way she dresses.. maybe she’s trying to please me? Haha.. Her smile is so beautiful.. a charm that never fails to cheer me up.. it’s so beautiful that it makes me want to go to professor ego’s class without fail..

She recently cut her hair shorter.. she’s so damn cute!

I always see her eating at the cafeteria.. everyday @ 12 noon.. I really don’t like deciding where to eat lunch.. but decision making just got damn easier.. as long as it is 12noon, forget about mcdo, venue or any place there is.. caf is the place for me J

So..

Miss philo suddenly took number one spot on the girls I have a crush on the UAP.. a well deserved honor for her.. hehe

I really hope fate would be so kind to me.. so kind that we would be able to know each other.. When that happens it’s really up to me.. The real challenge starts..

How do I get her alone..

Alone so that she would only see me.. no nuiscances.. no irritating people who would just mess things up.. it would just be me and her.. me making a move.. and she would be startled at the sudden confession.. then she would appreciate my gesture.. haha.. wind blows.. silence takes over.. after what it seems to be hours of endless waiting.. we hug.. oh! and may i add, she says she love me too.. then.. we kiss.. imagination overdrive.. haha..

Well.. I only need to be friends with her and get her alone.. damn it.. seems impossible..

Oh well.. I’m just probably infatuated.. haha ewan

Stultified

Whenever you ratiocinates, i like it. Even if it's infuriating.

Whenever I dare to overthrow your lucid power, i enjoy it. Even if i feel hopeless.

I have more things to say and for a moment you almost slipped my mind. Even if i know you don't want me to.

But because of your one absurd conclusion, you made me ran away. Maybe you want it to be this way. Even if you know i'll hate you for that.

Venting out

I just can’t say to love, “stay”. The more someone’s worth the blame, the harder it is to stay.

Now, it is easier to describe what it doesn’t mean than actually defining what love really is. I just don’t want to care anymore if I’m in love or if love is giving it’s farewell. Both is hurting me anyway.

A side of me is still hoping the other is giving up. I just know that it’s not over yet, and in God’s will, i don’t want it to be over. But if this will end for good, i know my heart will never be the same.

Perpetual Complex

1. To act as if you are the ideal one
2. Not showing your weakness
3. Having perfect confidence
4. Being liked and to be liked

All seems impossible..

Even though there are some hard egos out there who will deny such and say these are easy but a person doesn't have the balls to do so unless your too proud of yourself. If you know what I mean...

• Seeing your crush passing by seems like your seven oceans apart.
• In times that an unrequited admiration meets eye to eye
• Whenever a cat caught your tongue or you see an imaginary bee flying in front of you just to avoid eye contact when talking with your crush
• The momentarily hang time when having a moment alone with your crush

Sad or pathetic as it may sound but we cant deny, can we?

Whenever these moment of truth lands on top of our palms. We do not know what we should or what we can do because everything seems so limited. Is the reason being one is that you dont know what may happen next? or is this really what you want for yourself?

It's more like a deal or no deal occasion, if its either you'll win the grand price or you'll win a great hell of pain.

Yes, because of these hardship with pain and agony in your arsenal rather than having confidence. We will tend to look so silly infront of our crushes and end up as stand up comedians rather than an ideal person to be.

And alas, "good shot opportunity" is wasted.

Who knows if there may be another chance?

Lihim kong pagtingin

Alam nyo ba na may lihim akong pagtingin sa aking kaibigan. Noong una wala talaga bglang isang semester mayroon akong napansin sakanya, parang may nagbago sa kanya. Simula noon ay nasasabik na akong makita siya lalo na kapag nakikita ko siyang masaya. Lately I have been hanging out with her quite often. Lalong lumalakas ang feeling. Kaya ngayon, sa tuwing siya ay magyayayang maglaro o kumain sa umpisa di ako papahalata na gusto ko pero sa huli sasama din ako.

Mayroon siyang mga taong madalas makasama, for me they are very LUCKY. Di ko masabi talaga sakanya kung ano ang aking nararamdaman. Sana mapansin din nya ang aking lihim na pagtingin.

Tinanong ako ng aking isang barkada kung napapanaginipan ko ba siya, Hindi ko siya masagot sagot ng maayos pero nun isang gabi napanaginipan ko ang isang okasyon related sa kanya.

Lihim kong pagtingin

Alam nyo ba na may lihim akong pagtingin sa aking kaibigan. Noong una wala talaga bglang isang semester mayroon akong napansin sakanya, parang may nagbago sa kanya. Simula noon ay nasasabik na akong makita siya lalo na kapag nakikita ko siyang masaya. Lately I have been hanging out with her quite often. Lalong lumalakas ang feeling. Kaya ngayon, sa tuwing siya ay magyayayang maglaro o kumain sa umpisa di ako papahalata na gusto ko pero sa huli sasama din ako.

Mayroon siyang mga taong madalas makasama, for me they are very LUCKY. Di ko masabi talaga sakanya kung ano ang aking nararamdaman. Sana mapansin din nya ang aking lihim na pagtingin.

Tinanong ako ng aking isang barkada kung napapanaginipan ko ba siya, Hindi ko siya masagot sagot ng maayos pero nun isang gabi napanaginipan ko ang isang okasyon related sa kanya.

Swimming Pool

It was a normal sunny day. A good day to swim at the pool..

So I invited my friend to accompany me and swim. So we both prepared and meet at the pool. So lumangoy lang kami at nagrelax.. Then may nakita akong isang anghel na nagsswim din.. She was white and had blonde hair.. I stared at her for a very long time. I did not realize na sobrang obvious ko na tumingin sa kanya.. But still nakatingin lang ako.. Sumusunod lang mata ko sa kanya.. When she goes to the other side, my body automatically follows where she is at.. I seemed to be like a floating compass that points to where she's at.

Then my friend approached me and teased me.. I did not care at all because she was the only i was thinking about.. This is the reason why i love swimming nowaday especially where i met her. Posibleng makita ko siya ulit.. And next time kong makita..

i'll approach her at once and talk to her..

Doon sa bowling alley..

Martes ng hapon nang maiisipan ko at ng aking mga kaibigan na magcut at magbowling sa Megamall. Hindi ako nagdalawang isip na magcut sapagkat iyon lamang ang aking pinakaunang beses magcut sa subject na yun. At isa pa sabik na sabik akong magbowling sapagkat napakatagal na mula noong huli akong nakapagbowling.

Kaya kami na nga ay nagpunta sa Megamall at nagbowling. Dalawa lamang kami naglaro sapagkat ayaw maglaro ng iba naming kaibigan. Tuwang-tuwa ako at sa wakas pagtapos ng mahabang panahon ay nakapagbowling din akong muli. Akalain mo noong mga unang set ko nakaka 140+ points ako at ganadong-ganado sa pagbobowling halos lahat ay strike at kung hindi strike ay spair. 

Katatapos ko lang tumira nun at kaming dalawa lng ng kaibigan ko ang naandun dahil kumain ang iba nang bigla akong napalingon sa kaliwang linya. Akalain mo ba naman andun ang aking crush sa iskul.. Pangalawang beses ko siyang nakita noon ng araw na un. Noong una ay kumain kami sa Marina at biruin mo andun din siya.. Ang cute-cute nya talaga. Lalo nung makita ko kung pano siya magbowling ang cute talaga sobra! Tuwang tuwa ako kapag nakikita ko reaction nya pagkataops nyang tumira. Pagdating ng aking mga kaibigan ay kinuwento ko sknla at bigla akong pinagaasar. Pagtapos nun hindi na ako makapagbowling ng maaus nakuha ko lamang na score ay 70.. Sobrang nagiba ang aking pakiramdam ng malaman kong nandun din siya at nagbobowling. Hindi talaga ako makafocus lalo kapag nagkakasabay kami ng turn sa pagbowling..

Tuwang tuwa ako noong araw na iyon. Para sa akin, sa pagbobowling ko nakikita ang personality ng babae. At sa aking nakita tuwang-tuwa ako. SOBRANG CUTE NYA TALAGA LALO PAG NAGBOBOWLING.. Sana sa susunod na ako ay magbobowling makita ko syang muli doon kahit na wala akong mapatumbang pins basta alam kong nasa kabilang linya lang siya masaya na ko.. ^^

Tingin..

Hay. Ewan ko ba. Gustong gusto ko siyang makita, pero ang nakakapagtaka, kapag naaabot tanaw siya ng aking mata hindi ko naman siya matignan. Tapos kapag wala siya at di ko siya makita hinahanap-hanap ko siya. Sa madaling salita hindi ako makatingin sakanya ng diretso.  Mayroon lamang na ilang mga pagkakataon na ako ay nakakatingin sa kanya at madalas ay dahil kausap ko siya. Dun lang ako nakakahanap ng pagkakataong tignan siya. Pag di ko siya kausap talagang iwas tingin lang talaga ako. Bakit kaya ganun? Siguro dahil nahihiya ako na makita nyang nakatingin sakanya. Baka kasi magmukha lang akong ewan. Hay. Bakit di ko siya matignan? Sana dumating ang araw na makakatingin na ako sakanya ng diretso ng walang inaalala..

Crossover

I am very confused. I don't know who I really like..

Anyway,

Nagenroll ako sa gym ako to pass time. Wala kasi magawa sa uap, ang boring. So nagenroll ako with some classmates. Then nagstart na ako. Napaisip ako, what the hell ang boring naman ang tahimik. Then inintroduce ako sa trainer ko. Muntik na kong napatawa kasi hindi ko inexpect na babae magiging trainer ko. Oops sorry, more like tiboyish pala with the sweater and jogging pants. Parang boxer ang get-up nya.

Nung first few days ko sa gym, lage nya akong ginaguide. Always with the casual conversations, Always with the jokes, always with the laugh, always with the smile. I kinda like talking with her, kesa naman para akong pipi sa gym. Then after few days bigla nalang ako naisipang asarin ng classmate ko sa trainer ko. Sabi ko grabe naman kayo trainer-trainee lang relationship namin

Then napaisip ako one night. Grabe! Ang dami nyang tanong sakin nung first few days. Then nabigla ako sa naisip ko. Is she interested in me? Binawi ko din sinabi ko nalang sa sarili ko na wag ako magpadala sa mga biro ng classmates ko.

a week or two passed.. nkakatamad ng mggym.. nghihina ako.. then pag dumadaan xa.. pucha! ang lakas ko bigla.. ung 15 reps ng lat pulldown.. ilang segundo, tapos! sudden rush.. cguro natural lang xempre dhil madidisappoint ung trainer ko.. iyon ba talaga ang rason? ewan.. or may iba pa..

one time, ang aga kong nggym, wala pa ung isa kong classmate.. ginagawa ko ung exercise called cable "crossover" nakaspread ung arms ko isa sa left, isa sa right. Then dapat ipull down ko ung cable tapos magcross ung hands ko.. what the.. ang hirap! ndi ko maipull ung cable. parang mapupunit na ung arms ko. then tumakbo ung trainer ko she held both of my hands. i was saved.. ginuide nya ako through the rest of the exercise.. my body was suddenly brimming with unreasonable strength.. ang lapit ng katawan nya sa akin.. as in ang lapit tlga.. para nya akong niyayakap from behind..

my hands, her hands.. crossing over..
Cross over, a fitting name.

The Encounter

Di ako ang tipong lalaki na basta-basta nahuhulog ang puso sa isang babae, subalit, umiba ito nung nakita ko.. siya..

Kakatapos ko lang ng last class ko.  Sumama muna ako sa mga kabarkada ko at nagkwentohan.  After ilan oras, nagpaalam na ako sa kanila dahil mahihirapan ako magcommute kung maya pa ako alis.  Papunta na ako sa front gate, pero inicip ko na sa likod na lang kasi baka mei chance na mei umaabang na taxi nun at mas hindi init dun.  Pagdating ko dun, wala.  So, nagbigay ako ng 10 mins na dumating ang taxi, kung indi, punta na ako sa harap.  So nakaupo ako sa mei tapat ng pinto ng secretary sa mga theo prof/pari.  Nakatunganga lang ako sa labas hoping to get a cab, pero nung lumiko ulo ko sa entrance, dyan ko nakita sya.

  Lumabas sya entrance gate at naghintay sa labasan ang kanyang sakyan.  Mistisa sya na mejo mahaba ang buhok.  Nung nakita ko muka nya, wala ako masabi.  Ang complexion ng muka sobrang kinis at lambot.  Ang lips naman nya naka "nude" colored lipstick. At ang mata ay inonsente at cute.  Di ko maintindihan, pero, for some reason, di ko matigil sa pagtitig ko sa kanya. *syempre di ako nagpahalata na nagtitining ako sa kanya!* 

After ilan minutes, mei dumating na tao, *bodyguard siguro*, at sinundo sya at  lumakad sila papunta parking.  Napatayo ako at pumunta sa kung san sya nakatayo kanina at sumilip sa kanya before wala na sya sa sight ko.  Tumaas beat ng puso sa ko sa pagtitig ko sa kanya.  

Ngaun, nakikita ko pa rin sya minsan sa school at palagi pagnag cross paths kami, nanenervous ako at hindi makatigil but to look back and catch a glimpse of her..

Langit..

Hay bakit ganun? Sa tuwing dumarating sya nagiiba ang aking pakiramdam. Sa tuwing magkakasalubong ang aming mga tingin ang puso ko tila gustong lumabas. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Ang alam ko lang ay na talagang gandang-ganda ako sa kanya. 

Apat na taon ko nang gusto sabihin sakanya ito, pero hindi ko pa din magawa-gawa. Maitatanong nyo kung bakit ko gustong sabihin sakanya, ang sagot ko ay sa tingin ko na kailangan kong gawin para mailabas ko na itong aking saloobin. Mahirap kasi kapag hindi mo naeexpress ang iyong mga saloobin. Soooobrang hirap yun lang masasabi ko, mayroon kasing feeling of regret sa huli. 

Hindi ko naman sinasabing iniibig ko siya dahil hindi pa talaga. Mayroon lng talaga siyang mga katangian na gustong-gusto ko.

Alam ko na alam niya, at alam ko din na nalaman nya ito nang hindi galing sa akin. Isang sentence lng ang aking sasabihin hindi ko pa masabi.Matatapos na ang ika-apat na taon, mukhang hindi ko na talaga masasabi ang nais kong masabi sakanya. Na sa aking mga mata.. Siya ay langit..

Paano na?

Yup... Ok na ^_^ Alam na niya ^__^ Bahala na. Grabe, sobrang kinakabahan ako kanina. Pagkatapos, nagchichills na ako habang sinusubukan kong sabihin hanggang sa medyo natapos na. Nanginginig na talaga ako nun at giniginaw kahit na nakapatay ang aircon. Nilalagnat na siguro ako. Ano na kaya ang iniisip niya ngayon? Papasok kaya siya? Paano na kaya? Lalayo pa rin ba ako? O itetext ko na siya ng madalas? Maiilang kaya siya? O babalik sa normal ang lahat na parang wala lang ung kanina?

The Library

Sobrang bored na bored ako ngayong araw. Gustong gusto ko na matapos itong araw para makauwi na ako. But then.. napadaan ako sa ALB library.. 

I don't know why. Nakita ko siyang nagbabasa sa table. Bigla akong nagstop at napatingin sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung lalapit ba ako or hindi. Pero hindi ko mapigilan sarili ko.. 

Tinanggal ko lahat ng hiya ako. Lumapt ako at tinabihan ko sabay kinausap ko agad. Kinamusta ko lang siya... Library ba naman kasi.. 

After nun.. umalis na ako.. Tapos umupo ako sa ALB bench sa harap ng fountain. Ako'y napaisip ng matagal about sa mga bagay bagay.. At siyempre.. umaasa din ako na bababa siya kasi gusto ko siya makita ulit.. pero malapit na mawala ung araw, hindi pa rin siya bumababa... so umuwi nalang ako.. 

Pero after nung event na un.. parati ako napapadaan sa dalawang library sa UAP para lang mahanap ko siya. Pero nagkakataon na wala na siya parati.. Hindi ko na alam kung saan siya nagpunta. Kahit saan sa school, hindi ko na siya makita.. Wala na akong balita sa kanya.. 

Pero hanggang ngayon.. mahilig pa ako tumambay sa library at magbasa ng kung ano ano pero nagiintay lang talaga ako.. at baka.. makita ko ulit siya... 

Extraordinary

It has been a while.. The feelings i had these past few weeks were unexplainably extraordinary. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit naging ganito pero i always feel excited when i'm with you... before, i remember meeting you somewhere but i did not really care kasi.. then we were introduced to each other.. at first, i really did not care since again because you seemed to be quite weird... or maybe super weird from the rest.. after a few weeks of knowing you, nagbago ang lahat! i could not believe that i wanted to see you more and more... ang saya ko kapag nakakausap kita or kahit nakikita manlang.. my day seems to be extraordinary whenever i'm able to just be with you.. Though you are not the ideal person i had in mind eversince, you were able to make me realize that nagiiba ang ideal person para sa akin kasi nagiiba rin ako habang tumatagal. I still remember a long time ago, noong pababa ako sa ACB. You surprized me by suddenly bumping me (intentionally) without me seeing you.. instead of getting angry, i froze! What in the world happend to me! Then you laughed at me while I was still out of my mind. Hindi ako makapaniwalang kaya mo yun gawin sa akin. But thanks for making my day extraordinary by just the little things you do.. Until now, hindi ko masabi in detail kung ano ung nararamdaman ko, pero i'm happy because you are always there... During my sad days, you are there to make me smile... All I can say right now is.. Thanks...

Checked Into Rehad

Baby, baby,
When we first met,
I never felt somethin' so strong,
You were like my lover and my best friend,
All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it,
And all of a sudden you went and left,
I didn't know how to follow,
It's like a shock that spun me around,
And now my heart's dead,
I feel so empty and hollow.

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you,
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back,
And you're the one to blame,
And now I feel like.

Ohh, you're the reason why I'm thinkin',
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more,
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinkin',
Should've never let you enter my door,
Next time you wanna go on and leave,
I should just let you go on and do it,
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed...

It's like I checked into rehab,
And baby, you're my disease...

Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept,
You'd do anythin' for the one you love,
'Cause anytime that you needed me I'd be there,
It's like you were my favorite drug,
The only problem is that you was using me,
In a different way than I was using you,
But now that I know it's not meant to be,
I gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you.

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you,
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back,
And you're the one to blame,
And now I feel like.

Ohh, you're the reason why I'm thinkin',
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more,
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinkin',
Should've never let you enter my door,
Next time you wanna go on and leave,
I should just let you go on and do it,
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed...

It's like I checked into rehab,
And baby, you're my disease...

Ohh, you're the reason why I'm thinkin',
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more,
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinkin',
Should've never let you enter my door,
Next time you wanna go on and leave,
I should just let you go on and do it,
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed....

My Story

Remember when...

We were walking down the street
It was just you and I
There was a gentle breeze
You said: I like how the wind plays with your hair

We were watching a movie
We sat at the back and centre
The film started rolling
You said: I like how the projector light touches your skin

We ate dinner downtown
We were all dressed up
There were candles
You said: I like how the fire reflects in your eyes

We were going home
We were in your car
It was a stop
You said: I like how you fit in my front seat

We talked on the phone
You were in New York
There was laughter in the background
You said: I miss you

We met after your trip
It was raining
The sky was dark
You said: I was unfaithful, I'm sorry
I said: I know, I heard her laugh

We looked at each other
You held my hand
My tears started falling
You said: I still want to be with you
I said: I know...

We stepped closer
I looked at you
I smiled sadly
I said: Forgive me... cause I can never forgive you...

Ang dating pag-ibig.. Pag-ibig nga ba o infatuation lamang???

Ngayon2 lamang ay bigla na lamang nag pm ang aking kaibigan na matagal ko nang di nakakausap.. Maiksi lamang ang aming dialogo ngunit napakalakas ng tama sa akin.. Maitatanong ninyo kung bakit ang sagot ay dahil dati akong nagkagusto sakanya.. Alam kong hindi ko pa siya nakikita kahit isang beses sa personal puro sa mga litrato lamang.. Gandang ganda ako sakanya.. Nakakatawa pa nga kung pano ko siya nakilala hanggang ngayon alalang alala ko pa..

Gabi noon ng magtext ang aking matalik na kaibigan at tinanong ako kung ok lang ba makipagtext mate ang kanyang TITA sa akin.. Ang aking unang naisip ay.. "TITA!? matanda na!?" ngunit bago ko pa ito maitanong sknya ay huli na ang lahat at nagtext na sa akin ang kanyang tita.. Kaya iyon kamustahan etc.. Nang makita ko ang kanyang litrato ay hangang hanga ako sa kanyang kagandahan.. Bata pa siya ha kasing edad ko lang siya haha baka kung ano isipin ninyo.. At tumagal kaming nagtext2 at nakilala ko siya ng husto.. Sa punto na nagsasabi na siya ng mga sikreto sa akin.. Di nagtagal eh me nararamdaman na ako sakanya.. Tarantang taranta ako kapag magttext siya.. Gusto ko magtext na lang kami buong magdamag kaso kelangan nya matulog hehe.. Tumatawag din siya paminsan.. May mga pagkakataon ngang me klase ako eh tatawag siya napakasweet.. Masasabi nating nakakatuliro siya.. Kahit na malayo siya at taga Cavite siya eh ganun na ang aking nararamdaman.. Kahit ndi ko pa siya nakikita ng personal.. Kaso di din nagtagal ay unti-unting nababawasan ang aming pagtetext at tawag kaya ako ay labis na nalungkot..

Hindi ko alam kung tunay nga bang umibig ako sakanya o nabighani lamang sa kanyang kagandahan.. Ang alam ko lang ay napakasarap ng aking pakiramdam kapagkanakakausap ko siya o kahit katext at chat man lamang.. Ang kanyang pagkausap sakin ngayon2 lamang ay nakapaglagay ng ngiti sa aking mukha.. Sapat na sa akin ang malaman kong naaalala pa niya ako at naituturing pa ding isang kaibigan.. Hindi ko naman sinasabing liligawan ko siya at na gusto ko.. Siguro maging malapit na kaibigan ay ok na ako hindi ko ito sinasabi lamang para magpaimpress ngunit ito talaga ang tunay kong ninanais.. Kaya ang aking hangarin ay ang makita siya sa personal kahit isang beses kahit isang segundo.. Tunay nga namang nakakamiss siya.. Hanggang ngayon.. Hanggang sa kami ay magkita..  Sana ay mabigyan pa ako ng pagkakataong mapalapit sakanya.. Marami pong salamat sa oras..

The Perfect Love

Have you ever known a PERFECT LOVE? I have. A love so beautiful and real; it’s almost impossible to express how you feel. A love that has lasted a life time. The kind of love so pure that heartache and pain hasn’t faltered it. Have you ever known a love that is always there never judging, and always fair. A love so strong in your heart that nothing can tear it apart. Love that wipes away the tears, carries you through all your fears that is never criticizing, a love that defends you, that you can share all of your desires with, your fantasies and your dreams. A love that understands your most inner intimacies, a love that has survived the test of the years come and gone. This is a love that grows stronger as the years pass. A love that comes along ‘once’ in a lifetime... A love ‘through the years’; And sadly it is also a love that can de destroyed in the blink of an eye...

Now when that happens its comparable, no, its beyond comparable to any knife stabbed in the depths of your heart. Thats how painful it is; sadly all I ever do and all I've ever done was to kill my emotions and let the pain die out like slow poison spreading throughout my body... and this is the day I realize that "I have known a PERFECT LOVE."

Irony

Why is it that love does not choose those who seek it but select those who don't seek it, who really don't need it. I've observed in my life so far that those who are alone, those who need someone to be with to get through their life, never really find someone. While those who don't deserve it get to be with someone who cares for them that to at some point they'll hurt them.

Is this the irony of life?

Is love in this world one big joke?

Sikreto ng sikreto..

"Walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag.." ito ang sinasabi ng karamihan. Kung inyong susuriin ang katagang ito, hindi ba parang sinasabi nito na WALANG SIKRETO dahil darating din ang araw na mabubunyag ito. Ano nga ba talaga ang gamit ng sikreto?

Para sa akin ang pagkakaroon ng sikreto ay paraan ng mga tao na itago ang mga bagay-bagay sa kadahilanang baka makaapekto ito sa taong nasa paligid niya. Natatakot ang taong ito na magiba ang tingin sakanya ng ibang tao lalo na kung ang sikretong kanyang itinatago ay may kinalaman sa isang ispesipikong tao. Pero sa puntong ito alam na ng taong me sikreto na mabubunyag din balang araw ang kanyang sikreto pero hindi lang siguro sa kasalukuyan panahon.

Ngayon sa isang sitwasyon, may dalawang tao si A at si B. Sabihin nating may sikretong itinatago si A kay B. Kaya nagsikreto si A dahil natatakot 
siyang magiba ang tingin sakanya ng mga tao at lalo na ni B. Ngayon kung dumating ang 
puntong inalam ni B ang sikreto ni A, dapat ay hindi siya magpapaapekto sa nilalaman ng 
sikreto ni A. Dahil si B ang gumawa ng paraan upang malaman ang sikreto ni A. Kung masama
man ang nilalaman ng sikreto ni A tungkol kay B, hindi dapat magalit si B. Dahil kaya nga sinikreto ni A kay B dahil ayaw nyang masaktan si B o kaya naman ay magalit. Eh ito namang si B inalam. Kung aalamin man ni B ang sikreto ni A, sana ay antayin nyang sabihin mismo ni A kung ano sikreto niya bago siya magreact, dahil "Walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag" darating din ang araw na sasabihin ni A ang sikreto nya kay B. Si A lang ang nakakaalam kung kailan niya masasabi ang kanyang sikreto.

Totoo walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag pero tandaan natin me dahilan kung bakit isinikreto ng isang tao ang isang bagay. Kaya kung atin mang aalamin ang sikretong ng isang tao, huwag tayong magpapaapekto, huwag sana magiiba ang tingin natin sakanya at huwag natin siyang huhusgahan. Magagawa lamang natin ito kung ang sikreto ay ibunyag mismo ng taong me sikreto. Pero hanggang sa hindi pa dumarating ang araw na ito, huwag muna tayo papaapekto.. ^^ Ating respetuhin ang isa't-isa.. ^^

(Ito ay isang payo lamang at hindi leksyon.. Ito ay pawang opinyon ng nagsulat lamang..^^ Masaya to pag inapply nyo sa love life lalo un mga ilangan.. ^^ Pero hindi lang ito pang love life, akma din ito sa araw-araw na buhay.. ^^ Pagisipang mabuti.. ^^)

My Wish

As I look up in the dark sky... I think about you.. just as I always did years ago. In all my dreams you were there by my side. Whenever I though of something, there was always a place for you in my mind. Even though years have passed, I still think you the same way as I thought about you. But I hope that all my thoughts will just remain thoughts for eternity. I really want something substantial to happen. I want to believe that anything can happen if I do my part. But of course, it would really be wonderful if the two of us have the same thoughts about each other. I really cannot imagine you thinking about me the way I think about you. I really want you to think about me too because I feel that it really is unfair because I spend most of my time thinking about you. Even though I know it is wrong and selfish for me to think that way, I cannot stop myself because I cannot stop thinking about you. I don't want to believe that this is just a one way road. Even till this very day, I still wont give up on thinking about you.

Lakas Tama..

Why is it that whenever I get a chance to look at her eyes I can't stop thinking about her. Even though I'am doing something then all or a sudden her face pops in my head. Even though I am really not thinking about her and trying not to think about her, she suddenly pops in my head. I am really blown away by her beautiful eyes. But I'm just another guy standing from a distance admiring her beautiful eyes, nothing more but much much less.

One Look...

One Look, and I'm mezmerized by your eyes...

un lang! the end!

Simpleng Crush..

Wala lang.. Crush ko siya since the very first time i saw her.. Di ko lang masabi sakanya dahil baka mapahiya ako.. Sigh..

That Girl

Oh tonight I'm feeling fine
I'm alone just wasting time
no Friday movie nights or romantic candlelights

I'm just having conversations
with the thoughts in my head
all I hear are angels crying
oh won't they just sing instead

It would be wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her
that I love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life

Honestly, this won't do
how is she doing?
I tell myself I'm feeling swell
but I know I'm such a fool
I'll just take it as a new beginning
but you know I don't feel that way
who will take all this pain away?

I know it's wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her
that I love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life

Talk about a sin
was the day I walked into the other side
I would run back in
I wouldn't waste no time

I know it's wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her
that I love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life..

...

ei... it's been a while... la ako magawa eh... so i will continue my story nalang...

so we didn't talk for a while... as in nothing... and i was still left in the dark... then one night my sister introduced me to the yahoo messenger... i know i should know how to use one but i never did because someone beat me to my username... i just used an extra yahoo account of my kuya... then i had no one to add... then thanks to my good memory i remembered her email adress... i was so lucky brcause at the same time she was online too... she immediately added me and asked who i was... i introduced myself and greeted her... she had nowhere to go... i had her cornered... so i asked her why she acted like i didn't exist...

she told me that she heard something about me... then she asked me if there was anything that i said about the two of us... i was so nervous... i thought that maybe she found out that i fell for her... how scary... well... i didn't have a choice so i told her that i like her... and i asked if that's what she heard... there was a smiley that came next... and unfortunately that wasn't what she heard... how embarassing...

she then explained that someone told her that i told someone that we had a dinner date and we were close to being in a relationship... i was shocked... no... i was infuriated... i wanted to grab that person's head and smash it into a wall...

i then explained to her that i know nothing about the rumors... i also told her that the dinner date may be explained by me inviting her to the dinner party at my house... but i couldn't explain the other rumor... someone must have really hated me... and that someone will pay...

after a couple of days i found out whom the rumor originated from... he was a classmate of mine in biology... i confronted him on our next class... pero i punched the door very hard to get his attention... he denied it of course... but i was ready to kick some ass... but then she called... she begged for me to stop...

i didn't have a choice... i stopped... i don't actually know why... but there was something about her voice that calms me down...

every night we would meet chat using our yahoo messengers... and everything started to change...

will it ever be right?

guy meets girl. girl has boyfriend. guy falls for girl. and eventually girl falls for guy. then girl breaks up with boyfriend to be with guy.

does this situation sound familiar? tell me. will it ever be right? what are the chances that the girl will not do it to the guy also? is it doomed from the start? will it be a vicious cycle with no end?

this is the situation i am in right now. i am the guy of course. and i am paranoid as hell. i hope she will be mine forever.

TORPE

When will we know when is the "right" time? Actually, mahirap... We'll just feel it lang deep in our hearts... Na eto na... All or nothing...

Do you believe in destiny? That if you're really for each other, you'll end up being together? We'll "now" i "kinda" believe... You see... without the effort, destiny will be useless... Comeon, girls are not insensitive... Somehow they'll feel that you're falling for her... What? Are you waiting for her to make a move? do you want to see her in the arms of a stranger? well if you want to make her happy and you know that you can make her happy, make the move... Don't be that TORPE... even if she likes you she wont make a move... how will you know what she feels? don't be scared of what to happen... men should learn to accept the things he cannot change

So if it's the right time... do you want to make a move? or do you want to stay in the friend zone? well... there's nothing wrong in both... it's up to you... you have choices:
1) stay in the friend zone
for me this is a coward move... ok you'll remain attached to her... but there will be a time that you want to get out of the friend zone... but you can't even though you wan't to...
2) tell her
risky... but relieving...

sa mga Torpe... me kanta ang mga babae para sa mga Torpe...

Torpe (Barbie's Cradle)

H'wag na lang kaya
Hari ng katorpehan
H'wag, h'wag na lang kaya
'Di ka ba nagsasawa sa liwanag ng buwan

Chorus:
Namamatay na ang mga rosas sa tabi
'Di ka pa rin bumibili
Nauubos na ang oras sa kahihintay
Pero ni sulat ni tawag wala

Ba't mo pa kailangan ng tulay
Kahit ulap nagsasabi tayo bagay
Ba't mo pa kailangang magtanong
Kung alam mo na, alam mo na

Repeat Chorus

Namamatay na ang mga rosas sa tabi
'Di ka pa rin bumibili
Nauubos na ang oras sa kahihintay
walang sulat, ni tawag

Bridge:
Bilisan mo na ngayon
Kasi tumatakbo ang tren
Bilisan mo na ngayon
Iiwanan ka, iiwanan

Chorus 2:
Ayoko ng torpe
Ayoko ng torpe
Ayoko ng torpe
Ayoko ng torpe
Pero gusto kita...

Love Advice

elo po! ngayon lang ako nakapost ulet. pero ngayon. di ako magkkwento. Magbibigya ako ng mga tips! yeap! pero galing lang sa movie na hitch na nacompile ko hehe.

[first lines]
Hitch: Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder, stupid," but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.

Hitch: Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.

Hitch: Any guy can sweep any girl off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

Hitch: One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get(Albert). Just... one shot, to make the difference between happily ever after, and oh? he's just some guy I went to some thing with once.

Estoy en amor?

hehehehe...

hi block! (after a long time... nagpost din ako uli.. haha)

just want to tell you na may bagong crush ako sa skul! hahaha

she's my secret crush! as in nobody knows it except me!hahaha

kelan pa ba to nagstart? uhhh... probably last sem...

classmate ko kasi siya sa last subject ko every tuesday/friday last sem!

then i just realized na there's something different with this girl.

she's very quiet, mysterious and stylish.. haha

i also found out that she's into photography and arts...

Sa kaniya ko narealize that i have the tendency to be attracted with girls who are very artistic kasi almost all my past crushes are so much inclined to the arts! hahaha

and ngayon classmate ko uli siya sa last class ko twing tuesday/friday!

wow! hahahaha

tpos pareho pla kami ng pe time! hehehe

there was this time na sobrang nakakahiya...

we were having drills sa pe namin then bigla siyang dumaan tpos natamaan siya nung ball sa head niya!
eh i was the one who is supposed to catch the ball so nahihiya ako sa kaniya kahit di ako yung nakatama sa kaniya! hahaha parang i could have saved her from being hit by the ball but di ko nagawa!

sumigaw ako (sigaw na pang 2 meters) ng "sorry" sa kaniya and she just smiled and said she's fine.. hehe natatawa pa nga siya nung papalayo na siya eh hehehehe

pero if i were to evaluate kung anong level na yung pagccrush ko sa kaniya,
probably 10% crush ko pa lng siya hehehe...

i'm not really sure if she has a boyfriend already but i think she's still single hehehe
right now i don't have any plans to make a move..
steady mode muna hehehe

it all boils down to this question...

Who is she? hehehehe
i can only give the initials...
V.C.

til next time!

Not giving 100%

Hmm... I just wanna say that if you don't give 100% it may mean that you're not sincere with her... so... you wanna give like 99% eh? just think about it... that 1% that you held back may be the difference between a lovely "yes" happy ending and "oh... you deserve someone better... ure just a friend to me nothing more nothing more nothing less..." and of course if you're gonna get busted in the end... at least you'll have no regrets such as "oh... if i was just..." or "she could've given me the yes if i had shown more effort"... of course it would be disappointing if you'd get busted although you've given her everything... but the girl that you love deserves ALL the love you can give! She deserves everyting you've got... why? because love is selfless and not selfish... what you should be thinking at the end of the day is have i done my part? have i given her the love she deserves? c'mon! if you were busted... take it like a man! u will be sad at first but eventually you're gonna stand tall and face the world... because failing is a part of it... i hope i made some sense

sag38

that idiot...

I am the same person who wrote the previous post and i'm here again for more insights... instead of doing my friggin film thing, i decided to this... oh the joy...

Moving on... let's go to the business at hand w/c is lovelife because this blog is after all dedicated to the lovlife of it students... forgive me if i do reiterate some of the arguments in the previous post...

there he is... that idiot... sitting... thoughts in his mind wondering foolishly... then a girl showed up from nowhere... electric impulses rushed through out his entire body... butterflies flap furiously in his stomach... that feeling of elevation suddenly hit him... ecstatic happiness overwhelms him... the idiot is in love

guys usually fall for reasons beyond their understanding... it's really hard to explain why guys would fall to a girl in the first place... he'll just know deep inside his heart that he is already falling... so the next thing he does is think and consider the possibilities, however wonderful and unpromising it may be... after days of endlessly wondering and pondering... days of daydreaming and drooling at his classes... days of skipping meals... he makes a bold decision... to pursue the unexpected...

he courts her... gives her his time... his loyalty... his heart... his everything... everything he has dedicated for her... though he is unsure... he is ready to be hurt... although he is naturally shy... he does things that would embarass him for the sake of impressing the girl he loves... he's ready to jump without the parachute... he's so bold that insanity caused by love overpowers his mind... such courage and passion... but so naive...

in the end... he was rejected... his everything was not enough... the idiot... tired and weary... he gathers the pieces of his heart and tries to put the broken pieces together in vain... but he does not regret his decisions... because he is a man though an idiot... he's a man because he gave his everything... he's a man because he accepted the things he couldn't change... he's a man becaused he believed he can fly...

he must wait again to fall...

i failed to give some sort of an identification the last time i posted... God... i have no clue on what alias would suit me... ok... my codename would be sag38... duh... ok... the description that suits me is that i usually fall for girls that is somehow connected to bdminton... i really cant explian why... im not a love philosopher though... i'm just sharing my thoughts... i would like some comments although that is optimistic to the point of foolishness... kidding

sag38

giving... not expecting

I have been doing some thinking and i believe and held on to an argument that love's main purpose is to give your love, your care, your time, your heart, your everything. Love's main purpose is NOT to expect something in return like being loved back... Another way to understand this concept is that you love a person although there is little hope that she may love you back... Yes... It/I may seem foolish, preposterous and unfair, it may seem a waste of time... No! Giving is not a waste of time... Giving all you've got is not waste of time... That's what love is all about for me... Giving all you've got although you may branded as an idiot or a fool... You won't care because she is the only thing on your mind... No matter how many times you try to get rid of the daydreaming, she wiall still be part of your life... If you love her and court her, you may not be rewarded by the love of the one you love, but the fact that you made someone lspecial to you is rewarding enough (for me)... and who knows? the unthinkable might happen... she may actually love you... for me it's just a bonus...

I think the worst sin of a guy who is in love with a girl is not letting the girl know that he is in love with the girl... Did i say a guy? i mean a SISSY... it sounds harsh but i hate those who won't find the courage to let it all out... Loving is all about making the leap in a cliff without the parachute... It's about believing wishing you can fly because of her... It's not caring whether you'll fall... because the experience... is rewarding enough

yes... some of you may disagree because we all have different concepts

...

this will be my 2nd post about karla...

well... we did meet at the play... even though late ako the night turned out fine... after that naging good friends kami... we attended another play together and i invited her to a dinner party in my house... it was the birthday of my older brother and baby sister... she told me that she wasnt sure but she would try... then she invited me to her birthday... i told her that i would come to her birthday if she would come to the dinner party... she agreed...

her birthday came first... even though i knew that i didnt know anyone at the party i still came... i didnt want to disappoint her and it was her birthday after all... so pinakapal ko face ko... when i arrived i didnt see anyone whom i knew... she was talking to her friend on the couch so tinabihan ko siya... i think nabigla siya nung nakita niya ako... she offered me some food pero i wasnt comfortable eating with so many people whom i didnt know... so nag coke nalang ako... after a while they started singing on the karaoke... damn ang ganda ng voice niya... yung tipong perfect for love songs... and love songs she did sing... then some guy hugged her from behind while she was singing... shit... nakakasira ng view... boyfriend niya pala... i didnt expect the guy to be her boyfriend cause they werent that sweet at all at first... i was surprised when i felt something weird... parang di ako mapakali... i was fucking jealous pala... i cant believe i already fell for her... dun ko lang na realize... so i found a way to divert my attention... buti nalang may pool table... so i asked another guy if he wanted to play... so we did... a group of her friends watched us play... i think the game was good cause they were enjoying watching us play... one gay guy even told me that i should cool down cause my shots were too strong... dun ko na kasi binuhos selos ko... then lumapit siya to watch... then the game ended... i dont know what happened but i turned out that me and her boyfriend were playing... of course i couldnt afford to lose so i won the game... binuhos ko lahat ng galing ko sa game... soon after the game i left...

one day sa school we met due to a group project... medyo kinulit ko siya doon at nagalit siya... sensitive pala siya masyado... so medyo di kami nag pansinan for a while... i said sorry to her many times pero it took a while bago kami naging ok kami ulit...

she wasnt able to go to the dinner party... di daw siya pinayagan ng mom niya... pero nagdududa ako na galit pa siya sa akin... she said na hindi naman daw... pero di na niya ako pinapansin sa school... di na rin niya sinasagot calls ko... di na rin siya nag rereply sa mga text ko... so i was disturbed... i wasnt able to sleep for days and i smoked excessively to keep myself alert... nawalan din ako ng ganang kumain... ewan ko ba kung bakit siya naging ganun...

...

this is about a girl that i just met this sem... im gona be writing a lot bout her so here goes my first post about her...

her name is karla... i never thought id fall for her... we were seatmates in literature class on the first day but i changed my seats... i dont know why but i did... i never found her pretty but i did notice that she was the best looking girl in our class... so i never bothered trying to talk to her or anything...

my friend who obviously likes her suddenly approached me... i was surprised cause they were usually together... he had a problem with her... he told me that one time he accompanied her to the gate where she would be fetched by her parents... then when her parents arrived her mom came out of the car and told him that she doesnt want to see him with her daughter again... he was obviously hurt... so i agreed to help him...

on my way to a resto i passed by a photo studio... one of the posters in the studio seemed familiar... then after a closer look i realized it was karla... damn was she beautiful... it was her picture on her debut... i was shocked cause i never realized she was that pretty...

one day when i was waiting for my driver i saw her waiting for someone too... i approached her with a smile and asked if she knew me... we were classmates but we never talked to each other... i was surprised when she said yes... i asked her who she was waiting for and she said she was waiting for her parents... i asked her if she was a model and she laughed... she said that it was just a one time thing... and the studio just wanted to post her picture... so i said that she would really be good at modelling... i didnt know at that time that i was already falling for her... but we were talking like we knew each other all too well... just when she was about to leave i asked her if she was going to watch the play that was required for us to watch with anyone... she said no so i asked her if we could go watch it together... she said yes... no doubt there will be another chapter in this story...

...

i saw her again... the one that got away... the girl in my longest post...

i was on my way to my 7:40 class... sa car pa lang ay nakita ko na ang car niya... so i told my driver to overtake her car... i didnt want to see her again eh... so my driver did... and i got to school first...

when i arrived sa school pumunta agad ako sa elevator area kc 7th floor pa ang class ko... then i saw her coming... i thougt that she would just pick another elevator since tatlo naman eh... but she didnt... she was right behind me... i was so nervous that i called one of my friends to accompany me... pero kakagising lang ng gago... malalate daw... obviously... the sumilip xa... nakakatawa kc she was always known for her elegance and poise pero sumilip pa rin xa...

i felt very awkward... i thought i already got over her pero it seems like hindi pala... we talked about lots of things kahit sandali lang kami mgksma... well... it all ended when we arrived at her classroom...

now that i know where her class is i hope to see more of her... everything was blurry kasi after we went separate ways a few years ago... hope i canmake up for the lost time... and the lost opportunities...

rapunzel (part 2)

hmmm... bute naalala qng sundan ung ginawa ko... mejo bc kc aq lately... as if u nid to know na bc aq... past 2ng kinikwento q ha... la lng... high school years pa 2...

hmmm.... d q n nga itatago ung babae sa rapunzel... parang nakokornihan na ko eh... la lng... la kc aq maicp na itawag sa kanya kaya ngayon irereveal ko na ang tunay niyang pangalan which is Chello... Ang ganda noh?! Kapangalan ng isang musical instrument... Well qng nalimutan nyo na... Mahaba ang buhok ni Chello, lampas bewang... Ang ganda pa ng buhok alagang alaga kasi... Kapag tumatakbo xa ngswasway ung buhok nya... Ako naman tulo laway sa pagkabighani... She also has a sweet face, grabe ang amo ng mukha niya... Mabibilog at maitim ang kanyang mga mata... Hindi xa maputi... pero ok lang, di rin naman ako maputi eh... qng maputi un parang nghalo ang gatas tska caramel kapag ngkatabi kami...

so mejo bibilisan q para d msyadong mahaba... nging friends kami ni chello... xempre aq ung ngextend ng friendship sa kanya... mraming kaming subjects na ang seating arrangement ay magkatabi kami... boy #10 kasi ako tas xa girl #10... So iyon... crush ko lang talaga xa nung time na yun at ang goal ko nung time na yun ay maging close friends lang kami kasi iba kapag me kaclose kang opposite sex... I've grabbed every opportunity to talk to her... kahit mga subjects na alam q naman, ngtatanong parin aq sa kanya at ngbobobohan para lang mgkaxcuse to talk to her... ngpapaturo pa nga ako sa kanya after classes sa library... ngmumukha tuloy aqng mangmang pero its ok... what matters is that i get to see the innocent sweet looking face and that long elegant hair that makes my day... eventually nging text mates kami... inaasar q xa palagi na kutuhin at huwag tatabi sa akin dahil bka kutuhin aq... she always reply... ndi ah! kala mo kung cnu kang gwapo... haha... pgkatapos ng weeks of texting and pagpapaturo ng mga subjects sa library... i decided to call her at her house... nung cnagot niya... shit! ang liit ng boses niya sa phone... tawa aq ng tawa... pero qt naman kahit maliit voice niya... we always talk about silly stuff such as embarassing moments... marami aqng nakwekwento sa kanya na stupid stuff dahil clumsy aq at madalas mgkaroon ng embarassing moments... tuwang tuwa naman xa kapag ikinukwento q sa kanya yun... ang qt ng tawa niya... hihiihihi... eventually... palalim ng palalim ang mga topics n npaguusapan namin... ung mga secrets namin naishahare namin sa isa't isa ska ung mga crushes... nung time na yun nafeel q na close na close na talaga kami...

nung summer ng 3rd year palagi parin kaming ngtatawagan sa phone... halos araw araw... mahilig xang magbadminton kaya kapag ngkaroon xa ng spare time iniinvite niya aqng mglaro... ndi naman talaga aq marunong mglaro nung time na yun... xa ang ngtulak sakin para ipursue ang sport na badminton... ngkakaroon din ng times na pupunta aq sa bahay niya para mglaro kami ng PS2... malaki yung bahay nila... palibhasa mayaman, lagi aqng busog kapag nandun aq...lagi rin xang nakakatulog kapag nanonood kami ng dvd sa bahay niya... sa kwarto niya kasi kami nanonood... xa nakahiga sa kama aq naman nkaupo lang... ang himbing niya talagang matulog... para xang sleeping beauty kapag natutulog... gustung gustu q kcng nkikita ang isang babae na tulog... para kasi sakin dun mo mapapatunayan qng maganda talaga ang isang babae... i want to stroke her long elegant hair at that time... nahiya lang aq... ndi q pa nahahawakan ang hair niya kahit minsan...

4th year na... swerte parin aq at nging kaklase q xa... parang ngdedevelop n nga ang feelings ko sa kanya... ang bait bait parin niya sakin... minsan nililibre pa nga nya aq eh... pg break naman pumupunta kami sa bench habang kumakain ng ice cream... kapag nangyayari yun, iniicp qng isang ice cream lang ang pinagsasaluhan nami... hehe... imagination q talaga... lagi pa kaming ngkokopyahan sa mga quizzes at exams... lagi din niya aqng pinagtatawanan kapag nkakatulog ako sa class... di parin nawawala ang tawagan at text... parang ngiging close kami every single day... npapansin q rin na ms ngiging sweet xa sa akin...

di nyo lang alam... nung time na yun multitasking aq... hahaha... d nyo parin gets… broaden your minds the key word is multi! qng d nyo parin gets... sori... pero c Chello talaga ang gustu q... i already wanted to take the plunge that will change the way she looks at me... niligwan q xa... im so lucky na ako lng nanliligaw sa kanya... pero kahit close kami... nhirapan aq... ngbago kasi ugali niya nung nanligaw aq sa kanya... parang unti unting nawala ung pgkasweet niya... pero sinasabi q lng sa sarili q na pakipot lang xa... kapal q

aq kc, gustu qng malaman ng lahat na mahal q xa... kaya ngpapansin ako palagi sa mga tao at sa kanya... i find it sweet kasi na proud ka na mahal mo ang isang tao... ung ndi ka nahihiyang malaman ng iba na mhal mo xa... ung gagawa ka ng cheesy, mushy and korny but the same time sweet deeds just to please her and to let her know how much she means to you... dbdb?? Prang dun nkikita qng hnggang saan kayang ipaglaban ng guy ung undying love nya para sa isang babae... sa tingin q nging useful ang kakapalan ng mukha q at that time... so kapag maraming tao sa corridor... dun q xa lalapitan at ibibigay ung flowers/love letter or kung anu man... tas lalakasan q pa ung boses q na tila ba gumagawa ng eksena... c Chello naman hiyang hiya... me isa ngang time na me klase kami tapos tumayo aq at sinabi sa teacher q na mabait na maam... please excuse me i will just give something important to my classmate... tas tumango ung teacher at kinuha q na ung red rose na nkatago sa bag ko at nilipitan q c chello saka q ibinigay yung rose... yung mga klasmeyts q ngsisigawan, yung teacher q npapangiti.. c chello gustu na atang lumabas ng room sa sobrang hiya... pero d q pinansin ung iba... nkafocus aq kay chello... di q inintindi ung mga tingin ng iba, mga cgawan at iba pang distractions... grbe ah... ang tagal qng pinagplanuhan yun... kahit papaano naman nahihiya aq pero qng mahal mo talaga ang isang tao hindi ka dapat mahiya na malaman ng lahat qng anung nararamdaman mo sa kanya... hindi karin dapat mahiya na makita ng lahat ang mga actions mo to show her that you love her... ndi naman ito pagpapasikat o pgpapaqt... gnun lang talaga ang naicp qng diskarte... db nga action speaks louder than words? 4 me this is the ultimate act of courage and love... qng ayaw nyong maniwala... dnt care... ur wasting ur time reading this...

after 6 months of intensive na panliligaw... cnagot din niya aq... naalala q pa nun... its just weeks before hearts day... january 18 yun... sinagot niya aq nung ngdate kami sa red ribbon... kiniis q xa sa cheeks... kiniss din niya aq sa cheeks... nahawakan q narin yung hair nya sa wakas... ang smooth talga grabe... ang haba pa! kiligz

haha... kala niyo tapos na ah... mtatapos na rin 2... nung unang month ng pagsasama namin... maganda ang aming relationship... open, walang away at masaya... lgi q xang hinahatid sa kanila... ang saya q nun... date sa sinehan! waah! Every week d pdeng walang date! Kahit maubos ion q ayos lng! Cnusubukan qng mging elegant as possible...

w8 di pa tapos…last paragraph n 2… e2 ung unexpected… nung 2nd month... parang lumalayo na ang loob niya sa akin... ngsusungit na xa... laging nagagalit at parang wala kaming msyadong communication... ngbreak kami... we only lasted for more than two months... cnb lng nya sa akin nung ngbreak kami... DI NA KITA MAHAL... grabe yung babaeng yun! mtapos qng ibigay ang lahat, gnun lng niya IBABASURA ang pagmamahal na ang tagal qng ibinigay sa kanya? gnun lng niya IBABASURA ang PGPAPAKAGAGO ko at PAGPAPAPANSIN q sa mga tao? gnun lng niya IBABASURA ang mga ginawa qng kahihiyan at kakapalan ng mukha mapaalam lng sa kanya kung gaano ko siya kamahal... grabe... IBINASURA lang niya ako... isinugal q kahihyan q… mapakita q lng ang pagmamahal q… kaya ang lungkot ng graduation eh... ilang weeks n lng nung ngbreak kmi graduation na... la na kaming communication ever since... ngtetext xa, di q nirereplayan... tumatawag xa sa bahay, di ko xa kinakausap... i hate her... cnagot pa q?! iiwanan din naman sa huli?! IBINASURA niya lang aq... galit parim aq sa kanya hnggang ngayon… di q na pinansin mga text nya... d q xa kinausap nung tumatawag xa… tpos nbalitaan q n lng na ngkabf xa… cguro d cla tumagal... ewan... I don’t care... I hate her dahil sa pngBABASURA nya sakin... grabe ung babaeng un... I hate her... but i do want wat’s best 4 her... parang stacie orrico song... "i hate you! but i love you! i cnt stop thinking of you! its true... im stuck on you..."

...

ei... la na akong ma post eh... so i will post some moving love stories nalang... this will be the first... its entitled 'bittersweet symphony' by 'twisted halo'...

everyone's melodramatic... everywhere i turn... boys are humming sappy love songs given strong guitar rips and renamed "emo"... their little heads banging to whatever remnant of angst beating one with their pulse... it seems like every corner of the damned school is "mushified" by couples who seem to have been super-glued together... i want to stand in front of them and shout... "it's not gonna last... you morons..."

then i see him... and my knees turn to jelly...

"ah... if it isn't the one who got away..."

i haplessly struggle to collect myself and mutter curses incessantly... i pray that he doesn't see me... time to make a u-turn... uh-oh... too late... we make eye-contact... whoever turns away first loses... shit... i lose again...

i could feel the water soaking my shirt as i go out of the campus to escape from sharing breathing space with him... what better day to see him than on valentine's day... the most overrated season of the year... bouquets of flowers are carried by beaming girls and escorts sharing umbrellas... how pathetic...

i seek shelter in the tattered pages of my chemistry book... and wait for a taxi to pass by...

if someone would dare ask me why i bacame such a cynic i'd most probably scream at them... three years of waiting would turn any girl into a gloomy gus... three years of endless understanding and patience drove me mad... i would spend hours contemplating what his messages could mean... "i've never known anyone like you..." liar... liar...

i could keenly remember the last time he gave me flowers... it was a dozen roses presented to me exactly a year ago... i still have the ribbon of the bouquet kept in the burrows of my bedside drawer... but that was it... after that... nada... not even a hi...

i spent days and days wondering why he never called... why he never visited me when i was in the hospital... why he disappeared all of a sudden... but it's been a long time since i've stopped contemplating the loss... or shall i say... his loss... i realized that no man was not worth the time and tears... that was the day i ceased to believe in infatuation... and yes... love...

i return back to reality... 'tis was the fuss of valentine season... and i was alone... soaking wet... the rain felt for me... i cried... and it cried with me...

i felt the warmth of a hand beside my cheek... it was the hand offering me the comfort of a white handkerchief to wipe the snot off my face... i hesitantly look up... it's him... i freeze... the look on my face would give scared korean horror movie actors a run for their money... i guess he saw this for he instantly stuttered endless words of apology...

"i just thought you needed this... i saw the tears fall down your face... and i couldn't help but wipe them off... look... i'm really sorry... here... take it..."

what is this guy doing in front of me... and what do i do? i mutter thanks... and turn my back on him... he doesn't move... and i painstakingly wish he wouldn't... slowly... i found the exact words to say to him...

"why didn't you call? i waited for you..."

"i couldn't... i was scared..." was the reply...

"you idiot... what could you possibly be scared of?"

"you..."

"oh... how did that happen?"

"you have no idea how horrifying it is to like a girl like you... you're complicated and unreachable... yet i feel comfort in the sharpness and depth of your thoughts... i've liked you for far too long... yet i never really found the right words to tell you... and that is why i carefully waited for all this time to let you know how i feel... i sense that you are far too emotional for an ass like me... i couldn't even imagine how to comprehend the way you think and feel..."

i felt injustice at these words... i tell him "was that meant to inform me or make me feel bad because i am an unstable emotional being? if that's the case... then why tell me now? isn't it a bit too late?"

"no... i did not mean that... the moment i saw you standing there i can't help but think of how much i wanted to be by your side... i couldn't bear the thought of waiting more... because i was afraid of actually letting go of the only opportunity i may ever have... i hope i'm not too late..." was all he said...

"whoever said you were? i've been waiting for you all this time..."

"does that mean what i think it means?"

"i hope so..."

"gee... thanks..."

i felt the flutter of butterflies in my stomach as we shared the stillness and serenity of the drops of rain falling on us... we were quiet... yet the silence felt so at home... everything was a blur...

"hey... i really have to head off now..." i tell him...

"too bad... i should be going now too..."

"okay... so this is it?"

"yeah... i guess this is it..."

"am i dreaming?"

"i hope not..."

"on more thing..."

"what's that?" he asks me...

"i'm not emo..."

Kung alam mo lang sana...

lobot yan! Wala na naman ako magawa.. inaantok n nman ako ngayon.. pagod na pagod na tlga ako lobot yan.. hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang totoong nararamdaman ko.. hindi ko alam kung gusto ko ba siya o hindi.. kasi naman yung mga kaibigan ko eh lagi kaming ginugulo dati naman tuwing kumakain kami ng sabay tuwing umaga at sabay pumapasok sa klase ayos lang naman pero dahil sa mga lobot na yan.. lobot talaga! hahaha.. dati nagbibiro pa ko na kailangan ng back-up, pero ngayon hindi ko na masabi bakit ganoon? ngayon hindi ko na naiisip na magkaroon ng back-up.. hindi ko alam kung bakit pero ganoon eh.. lobot yan. tapos naisip ko, dahil sa mga lobot kong kaibigan.. paano kung naging kami? hahaha..

paano ko ba ito sasabihin sa kanya? hmm.. madalas nga kaming naglalakwatsa, nakikita ko siyang masayang masaya pero hindi ko masabi sa kanya.. hahaha.. pero teka nga lang.. lobot.. hmm.. napapaisip tuloy ako, bakit kaya siya masaya tuwing kasama ako? hindi kaya.. iniisip nya rin ako tuwing hindi kami magkasama? di kaya ganoon din pagdating sa phone.. lobot yan.. kapag nagriring ung telephone niya sa bahay, umaasa din kaya siya na sana ako ang tumatawag sa kanya.. di kaya pagonline niya sa yahoo messenger, ako ang una niyang titignan na pangalan.. hay ewan ko ba! lobot.. tama nga ba itong iniisip ko? hahaha..

love na ba ito? ibang-iba siya sa mga nakilala ko.. akala ng mga kaibigan ko hindi ako seryoso sa kanya.. sinasabi ko na lang, "sige lang, hindi naman totoo!".. pero sa loob ko, "grabe, cute niya talaga!".. parang nag-iiba ang ugali ko.. sa totoo lang, iniba niya ako.. hay ewan ko ba! sana nga love na ito!

i love you

hello, if you are reading this i wanted to tell you..tell you how much im longing to hold you.. it seems like you are so close that i could see you and reach out for you...to grasp and plea that please hear my words...i do not know if this is the right time to tell you.. for who read this today, this moment i love you... i wanted to meet you right here at acb 4th floor wherein the banquet that i prepared just only for the two of us.. i bet you will love the fishballs and squidballs there is also kiukiam if you want we could add betamax(the square liver one) i also want to add isawisaw to make everything complete but wait theres more! beer and gins would lighten the venue more better than wine! i am here now just waiting here in the 4th floor waiting for my love whom im longing for..heal my hurt patient soul

- the romantic spirit of i.t. waiting for the one who will bring him love that would complete him

Tagong Pag-ibig..

Hello guys! First time ko lang magpost dito. Bagong pasok palang ako sa ating block. Una, hiyang hiya talaga ako dahil wala akong kilala subalit, sa dulo ng aking mga mata, may nasulyap ako.. Isang babaeng mala-anghel ang mukha. ang kanyang ngiti ay masnagniningning pa kaysa sa mga bituin sa langit. napapangiti ako para tuwing nakikita ko siya na ngumingiti. Sa lahat ng mga babae sa block, siya lang hinahanap ng aking mga mata.

Isang taon na ang nakalipas.. Wala pa ring nakakaalam na may gusto ako sa kanya. Wala talaga akong pinagsabihan kahit ang mga nakaksama ko parati. Hindi ko pa rin masabi sa kanya ang aking nararamdaman. Sa tingin niyo..? Sasabihin ko ba sa kanya o hindi? Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Isang araw, nakatabi ko siya.. gustong gusto ko na sabihin sa kanya ang aking nararamdaman. Pero iba ang nasabi ko sa kanya. Sayang talaga! Pero ok lang. Ang dami pang oras para maitapat ko ito sa kanya.

Hindi na ako nakakatulog dahil parati ko siyang iniisip. Kahit sa school.. siya lang ang hinahanap ko. Hindi na ako nakakapagaral ng maayos dahil sa kanya. Kapag sinabi ko ba sa kanya, hindi ko na ba siya iisipin parati? Ito lang ang masasabi ko.. mahal ko siya.. patay na patay na talaga ako sa kanya..

Wala lang..

medyo nalalabuan lang talaga ako sa sarili ko... bakit ganito.. bakit ganoon.. may gusto ako sa kanya pero hindi ko alam kung may gusto talaga ako sa kanya.. sana maintindihan niyo.. pero ganun lang talaga naramadaman ko noon.. hindi ko talaga maintindihan ang mga tao.. lalo na kapag nagkakagusto ang tao sa isang tao.. pano mo malalaman na may gusto ka sa isang tao..? pano mo masasabi at mapapatunay na gusto mo talaga siya? ganyan ang nararamdaman ko dati..

ganito kasi ang situasyon ko dati.. may isa akong gusto pero hindi ko alam kung gusto ko ba talaga siya.. hindi ko masabi na gusto ko talaga siya dahil hindi ko alam kung may gusto ako sa kanya.. pero parati ko naman siya iniisip.. tapos tuwing may magtetext sa akin, parati ko sinasabi sa sarili ko na sana siya ung nagtext.. ganoon din pagdating sa phone.. kapag nagriring ung telephone namin sa bahay, umaasa ako na sana siya ung tumatawag sa akin.. pagonline ko sa yahoo messenger, una kong titignan ang pangalan niya (sana online siya!)..

kapag ganoon ang mga iniisip mo.. may gusto ka ba talaga sa kanya? ewan ko talaga.. pero habang tumagal.. dumami nanaman ang mga tanong ko.. pano naman kung ako yung nasa posisiyon ng taong gusto ko.. ano kaya ang mga iniisip niya tungkol sa akin.. pano ba malalaman kung may gusto sa akin ang isang tao? ang hirap talaga! pero ganyan talaga.. ang pangit naman kung nababasa natin ang iniisip ng mga tao.. walang thrill sa buhay kung hindi ganoon..

a nescafe moment sana

ang ganda ng panahon tuwing umuulan... gustu qng umulan palagi... di naman aq palaka na nagiingay pg umuulan pero ewan q ba.... ders something in the rain that makes me go kilig... haha... kc naman ang sarap ng feeling na kasama mo ung chinecherish mo hbang umuulan... kayong dalawa lng... nilalamig at stranded... at nangagailangan ng mainit na yakap galing sa isa't isa... haha... imagination q tlaga...

me big date kc kmi ng frnd q... well... she considers me just a friend for now... but i still have feelings for her... niligawan q xa dati... pero... basted dahil cnagot niya ung isang guy na super gwapo na nanliligaw s kanya... shit... eniwei... break na cla ngayon... haha... ayaw n ng lalaki... buti naman... kc ngkamali ung friend q dahil xa ang sinagot imbis na aq... haha... so pgkatapos nilang mgbreak... ngkaraoon ult kmi ng communication... palagi niyang sinasabi na "mahal q parin xa"... haay... tanga ba xa? mahal pa rin niya kahit iniwan na xa... haha... pero gnun dn aq... love q parin xa kht binasted niya aq dati... hahaha...

oo nga pala... haha... parang lumayo na... so iyon may date kmi... well... para sakin date na yun... pero d q pa xa nililigawan… its not the right time pa kasi… kelangang mging patient… mglalaro lng naman kami ng favorite sport namin... hahaha.... dapat kc me ksama aqng mga klasmeyts... pero un4tunately, di cla makakapunta kaya solo q xa.... haha... may paun4tunately pa q... gusto q naman n un ang mangyari... hahahaha... ang sweet niya sakin the night before our "date"... tumawag kc xa sa bahay tas talak ng talak, kwento ng kwento... during our converstaion... cnb niya na out of the blue sa isa niyang class, naalala dw niya aq... hahaha... grbe... kiligz

so "date" na namin... pumunta ako sa house niya para sunduin xa, d p xa nkakaligo so pinakain niya muna aq... pinakain nya skin? cake! grbe... hehe... xa dw gumawa nun... haha... ako naman... indulge... inicp qng yun ang pinakamasarap na cake n ntikman q... pero masarap xa talaga... marunong kasi xang magluto ska magbake... pde nang mgasawa... hehe... so iyon.. kinausap aq ng mom niya... ung mom niya stewardess... binigyan niya aq ng chocolate! cadbury pa! haha... approve ermats niya sakin! so nligo c trizia... then ngbihis... lumabas n xa s kwarto niya... ganda niya talaga... sabi niya pumasok dw aq sa room niya... grbe! nakakain n q ng cake, nbigyan ng chocolates, nkapasok pa sa room niya! haha... sobrang swerte! ang ganda ng room niya... malinis, maliwanag, ang red... red ung paint ng walls niya... favorite niya red... red n dn favorite q... hehehe... ang daming pictures sa room niya... puro vain pictures niya... ang sarap kunin lahat! haha... nanghingi ako sa kanya ng picture... sabi niya sakin kumuha dw ako sa pc niya... bte n lng dala q flash drive q

kaming dalawa lng ang naglalaro sa court na iyon... hahaha... ang galing niya grabe... mejo d q n nga hinahabol ung bola kc bka pgpawisan aq ng madami ska mapapagod lng aq... haha... xempre... ihave 2 look good and smell good... hahaha... ibang iba xa ngayon... she seems so happy... ndi na xa msyadong ngsusungit... di na xa nkasimangot... pero mganda xa pg bad3p xa... hahaha... naiicp q 2loy na she's happy na kasama niya aq ngayon... haha... umaasa parin... nka 5 sets nga kmi... after one set... pahinga kami... haha... hinaharot niya aq pg ngpapahinga kmi... haha...san kapa? prang full of energy xa... tawa xa ng tawa... aq naman gustu qng mgccgaw sa tuwa pero pinipigilan q lng ang sarili q... hahahaha... kilig talaga... nsabi q nb na magaling siya? sa bawat tira niya... sa bawat habol niya... ang ganda ng hair niya... sumasayaw hbng tumatakbo xa... hahaha

tpos na kaming maglaro... ngshower kmi... xa ngshower sa png girls tas aq sa pangboys...hahaha... bka kc icpn niyo sa isang shower room lng kmi ngshower... hahaha... mga lokoloko! mga aroung five nung ntapos xa... ang ganda ng suot niya... hahaha... di ko aakalain na mgsusuot xa ng ganoong damit... babaeng babae ang dating niya... hindi yung boyish na girl na nakilala q... hahaha... gutum kmi so ngdecide aq na mgdinner na kmi... hahaha... sa don henricos sana kami kakain pero kulang pera q... kya sa pizza hut n lng kmi... gustu niya kc ng pizza... hahaha... hbng kumakain kmi... bgla xang napapatawa pg tumitingin xa skin... tnanong q qng bkit... cv niya... mukha daw aqng bata... kala niya dw nung 1st time naming mgkita na high school pa lng aq... haha... tas iyon... kwentuhan kmi... npgkwentuhan pa namin ung high school musical na movie... pareho naming gusto ung movie... hahaha... yeahboi... kahit small thing lng un... kilig parin aq... tas ayun... kumakanta kmi hbng nasa pizza hut... haha... xa naunang kumanta... di ata marunong mahiya... kinakanta niya ung high school musical na song... ung "Soaring! flying!" hahahaha... bte konti lng tao... hahaha...

nsa sakayan n kmi ng jeep/fx... haha... di umulan... sayang... sana lng nung time na yun umulan... umulan lng kc hbng nglalaro kmi ng badminton... sana umulan nung time na yun... para nescafe moment... nilalamig kami hbng nghihintay ng jeep...tas untiunti q xang aakbayan... haaay...ang weather talaga... d marunong makisama... haha...

so iyon... nsa fx kmi... grbe trafik! nkatulog n xa... nkayuko xa... naisip qng mangangawit ung ulo niya kapag natulog siya na ganun ang posisyon... so time for D MOVES! Haha... inakbayan q xa tas sinandal ko ang ulo niya sa balikat q... ang masama ngcng xa! Haha... kala q malulutong na sampal aabutin q... bte hindi… sabi niya... ayos ka rin ah... tas bigla xang napatawa... pgkatapos 2mawa sumandal na xa sa balikat ko... haha... grbe ung filing na yun... ang swerte q nung araw na yun...

naihatid q naman xa sa bahay niya... nasa g8 kmi... ngthank u xa... ng enjoy dw talaga xa... ngthank you xa dahil im a nice "friend" daw... thank u daw dahil nanjan dw aq plagi... haha...
nggudnyt aq, nggudnyt xa... cv nya take care... tpos... nandun lng kmi... parang tumigil ang oras... d pa xa pumapasok sa bahay... aq nakatingin sa kanya... parang may hinihintay xa... aq naman pgkatapos ng mahabang silence... umalis n q... nilingon q ult, nkapasok n xa...

Waah... I'm so tactless talaga! Chance na dapat yun para mggudnyt kiss... haha... pero pg ginawa q un... bka masampal aq... haha... grbe... pero it's a risk im willing to take... d q naman ginawa... kainis...

...

ei... this will be my 4th blog... and this will be bout my friend whom i badly want to spend the rest of my life with... bigat ano? well... it started out like this...

remember on my previous posts bout my 1st gf... well... she shoudnt have been that girl... the truth is... shes not my first choice... my first choice was a very cute chinita whom i barely know... i did the usual things i would do if i like a girl... i asked her number and she gave it... so we started texting... she didnt reply at first pero nag reply din xa after some time... i asked the basics like ilan silang magkapatid and stuff... then i asked if i could call her house... k naman daw... but shes not that interesting kausap... then when meet kami ng barkada ko sa village... it seems pala that my closest friend their is courting miss chinita... our friendship was never the same... i treated him as a taksil... even though he isnt... then i found out that my closest friend from my former village liked her too... then i thought that i cant do this to my friends just for a girl... and they wouldnt do that to me too... so i stopped texting her... it seemes strange kasi di niya ako hinanap... nasanay na kasi ako na hanapin ng girl na bigla ko lang pipigilang itext...

then the 6th grade ended and i have a flourishing relationship... but i dont understand why one time i just had to text her... i was on a seaside resto at that time... mga 3pm... then to my surprise she replied... she asked if there was any special occasion why i texted... i told her no... i just missed her... kahit na may nililigawan na ako... an even bigger surprise came when she told me it was her birthday... i was so embarassed... but di good news lahat... may bf na pla xa... my friend from my village... i was devastated... pero weird dba? faith? destiny? i dont know...

then 2yrs passed na walang contact... i lost my phone and her number along with it... new phone new life... or so i thought... but on that year i was returning to my old school... and thats where shes studying... on my first day i was really excited... it was my old school so i would expect some of my old friends to be my classmates... but one stood out from the rest... it was her... i was so happy... overjoyed... ewan... so i went to class... everyone quickly recognized me... including her... wow... she still knows who i am... and luckily shes my seatmate for the whole year... yahooo... grabe... we talked a lot... we got so much closer... we even talked bout the strangest of things... she hates crabs as i do... and both our families love to eat crabs except for the both of us... weird... we talked so much that wala akong natutunan sa chem namin... sympre... sino ba pipiliin kong pakinggan? ang matandang lalake na chem teacher or a princess? sympre ang lalake... hehehe... joke lang... i had to cram on the finals to pass... whew... everything went fine except for one little detail... may kanya kanya kaming syota... waaaa... bago na naman bf niya... pero alam ko na la akong binatbat sa bf niya... isang lasallista na 2yrs older sa amin na super mega yaman... and im just a rich boy turned smart ass gangster... unfair dba? a princess deserves a prince... not a thief...

the schoolyear finally ended and then pasukan na naman... time to check whos gona be my classmates again... and wham... there she is again... i dont know if its a gift or a curse... basta classmates kami... yahooo ulit... and this time were both single... since classmates din kami last year malamang kami ang magkakasama... and i was falling even more in love with her... one problem... i cant get it out of my chest... im fuckin torpe kasi... i dont know why but shes the only girl na di k kayang sabihan ng i love you... bakit lord? everyone sees na may gusto ako sa kanya... i ask my friends kung alam ba kaya niya na i like her more than a friend... they would all tell me na obvious naman daw... so i tried my best not to be obvious... i may have overdone it also...

my first mistake was on the first few weeks of classes... she told me that she requested for a transfer to another class kc dun mga friends nya... i stopped and just said "ok"... nagalit xa kc bkit yun lang daw ang reaction ko... she even asked me if i wont stop her... i told her no kc its wat she wanted... pero s loob looban ko i was shattered... makakasama ko na sana xa 1 more year nawala pa... pero thank god di na2loy transfer nya...

den she started to ask me if i loved her... di seryoso mga tanong niya so i would just raise my eyebrow and say no... waaa... why cant i tell her... tinatanong na nga eh... punyeta ko talaga... she asked me numerous times pero la parin... waaaa...

we wer always groupmates kasi nga close kami... some people even mistake us for lovers... sana totoo... there was one activity in school wherin we would have to do some voluntary work for charitable organizations... i was the leader so hurray... i asked her where she wanted to go since 8 weekends kami doon... so i wanted her to be at least happy sa experience... she said philippine eagle park... i told her shed get what she wants... so that afternoon kinausap ko kaagad teacher ko sa cle(christian living education)... medyo close kami since sakristan ako... he told me di raw pwede yung hinihingi ko since random daw dapat ang pagpili... i had no choice but to tell him the truth... that i wanted to impress her... he understood... binigay niya sa amin ang philippine eagle... laki ng smile niya...

things were interesting... there were 5 of us in the group... isang absenot(he never attended once) dlwang magsyota and kming dlwa... i was so happy since magsyota ang mga kasama nmin we would have to give them privacy resulting to privacy for us... we did mostly nothing doon... one time i bought her beef chicharon which we both loved... yummy... but not everything went smoothly... one particular moment was when she asked if pwede ba raw kaming umakyat sa treehouse... walang tao dun so solong solo namin... instead of doin d moves nagyosi ako... sobrang nerbyos ko na kc eh... gago talaga ako... nainis xa and asked to go bak down agad... waaaa...

then somethin happened that scared the shit out of me... there is this other close friend of hers din kc... guy din... if shen not with me shes with him... then hiniwalayan yung guy ng gf niya... then he told the girls bestfriend that hes starting to fall for her... he made the bestfriend swear not to tell... but as you can expect the bestfriend told her... she started to make iwas to the guy... i asked why then she explained everythin... i was happy at first coz now masosolo ko na talaga xa... den i realized that she may feel the same way when i tell her how i really feel... so i told her to talk to him nalang kc di naman niya kasalanan na ma in love sa kaniya... she agreed and thanked me... i felt saved...

den valentines came... a week before valentines she told me lonely xa kc la daw xang matatanggap this year since la xang bf... she wanted a bouqet daw sana... so i decided it would be now or never... i secretly arranged for a bouqet of pink and white roses for valentines... and while i was at it i bought my lil sis and mom some too... my mom was so happy that she gave me a midnight surprise chocolate cake... it was heart shaped... so what happened was this... my driver delivered the cake sa haus niya b4 lunch break... when she arrived home (coz she goes home during lunch break) nandun na yung cake... she called me agad to thank me... i was wid my barkada sa mall coz dun pa sila bibili 4 valentines... fools... dont they know that such a delicate matter such as this needs to be planned? by the time we arrived back sa school naka antay na ang driver ko... nandun na ang fresh bouqet... i got it out of the car then slowly went up the stairs... when i alighted nakita ko kaagad xa... nakatalikod xa and she was talking to a classmate of ours... then nung papalapit na ako tinuro ako ng kausap niya then iniwan xa... as i gave it to her she was wearing a super big smile... then she asked me in the sweetest way kung bakit ko xa binigyan ng roses... i was so nervous... nakikita ko ang mga mukha ng mga classmates and friends namin na sumisilip... finally... i cracked... i said "wala lang, hiningi mo eh"... as she heard that her smile immediately turned to a super big frown... she walked away and i was so angry at myself... i heard countless sighs from my classmates... what a fool i am... pero pls give me some credit... it was my first time to give someone a bouqet... yup... kahit mga naging gf ko wala... xa lang...

then may isang exam kami na para sa buong batch... before kami pumasok sa room she asked if pwede ba raw magkatabi kami... i gladly said yes... then umupo na kami beside each other... then dumating ang proctor amd asked us to line up alphabetically outside... nasayangan ako sa opportunity... then to my surprise kami pa rin ang magkatabi... tapos may pumasok bigla na late... we all had to adjust... so new seating arrangement na naman... pero kami na naman ang magkatabi... 3 yata ang late that day so we had to be rearranged 3 times pero parati pa rin kaming magkatabi... then she told me the sweetest words... "wow, meant to be siguro tayo"... it was music to my ears... i think i was the happiest day of my life coz lumabas ang full potential ko... i got a 99 percentile rank on the exam meaning 99 percent who took the exam had lower scores than me... it was the highest score one could get... i calculated it and i found out that only 5 of us could get 99... and i found out that the other four were all from the honors section... among the four was our the valedectorian and salutatorian... i was shocked...

then one day a friend asked if i could accompany him later sa isang office... he told me he was gona pass a poem he was working on para ma publish sa annual compilation ng school... i asked kung pwede rin ba akong gumawa... he said pwede pero i had to do it before 5pm kc deadline na... it was 1:30pm na... so i wrote a poem kaagad... i finished it in less than an hour... then a month later lumabas ang compilation... then one of my loud mouthed classmate yelled my name... "uuuyyy, ikaw to ah, alam ko kung para kanino to"... then everyone knew in no time na may poem ako... i was a known gangster sa school tpos may sensitive side... it was something new... well... it went like this...

you sit here beside me
not knowing how i feel
weve been friends since forever
but nothings what it seems

at your lovely eyes i stare
i cant help but fall in love
it hurts so much and i cant bear
i know its you whom i cant have

so i guess ill just keep quiet then
and hope youll never find
the lonely things i keep inside
these silent dreams of mine

its entitled silent dreams by the way... she asked me for whom it was daw... i said for no one...

then retreat came... it was a 3 day 2 night retreat for the class... we were so close during the retreat... she would let me embrace her which i took to my delight... i cant believe anyone could have super soft skin... then she asked me a serious question... she asked if she should give her ex ( the lasallista guy ) another chance... she asked another guy who liked her earlier and he said no... coz marami pa daw iba jan... it was my chance... but i didnt take it... i cant take advantage of her... i told her that she should... kc baka magsisi pa xa... and if d guy would make loko again i told her to drop him agad... at least binigyan nya ng 2nd chnce dba? but i wasted another perfect chance... pero i only want the best for her... at least di ako lumabas na selfish prick... i also gave her a little surprise during the retreat nga pala... i bought some of those beef chicharon that she really liked... i had to drive an hour just to get those but they were worth it...

then graduation came... i couldnt believe that umabot na ng 1yr ay di ko pa rin nasasabi sa kanya... so i decided na ito na talaga ang last chance... so i wrote everythin down in a letter... i cant post my letter since its so personal... it came from the bottom of my shattered heart... we were gona part and sobrang nabitin ako... i asked my lady friend to give it to her... my friend told me she read it daw kaagad pero la daw reaction... then for the celebration the whole family went to gloria maris ( a chinese resto )... patapos na ang meal namin nang bigla akong kinausap ng lil sis ko... "diba si ate *** yan?"... akala ko biro lang pero nagulat ako nung nakita ko talaga siya with her family... fuck... ano ba to?

2yrs have passed since the graduation... di kami nagkaroon ng maayos na conversation ever since... a friend of mine told me that sila pa nung lasallista guy... going strong pa daw sila... well... i hope a miracle could happen so that i could be with her... i really want to spend the rest of my life with her... and i wouldnt mind if it would take a lifetime for that to happen...