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ei... this will be my 4th blog... and this will be bout my friend whom i badly want to spend the rest of my life with... bigat ano? well... it started out like this...

remember on my previous posts bout my 1st gf... well... she shoudnt have been that girl... the truth is... shes not my first choice... my first choice was a very cute chinita whom i barely know... i did the usual things i would do if i like a girl... i asked her number and she gave it... so we started texting... she didnt reply at first pero nag reply din xa after some time... i asked the basics like ilan silang magkapatid and stuff... then i asked if i could call her house... k naman daw... but shes not that interesting kausap... then when meet kami ng barkada ko sa village... it seems pala that my closest friend their is courting miss chinita... our friendship was never the same... i treated him as a taksil... even though he isnt... then i found out that my closest friend from my former village liked her too... then i thought that i cant do this to my friends just for a girl... and they wouldnt do that to me too... so i stopped texting her... it seemes strange kasi di niya ako hinanap... nasanay na kasi ako na hanapin ng girl na bigla ko lang pipigilang itext...

then the 6th grade ended and i have a flourishing relationship... but i dont understand why one time i just had to text her... i was on a seaside resto at that time... mga 3pm... then to my surprise she replied... she asked if there was any special occasion why i texted... i told her no... i just missed her... kahit na may nililigawan na ako... an even bigger surprise came when she told me it was her birthday... i was so embarassed... but di good news lahat... may bf na pla xa... my friend from my village... i was devastated... pero weird dba? faith? destiny? i dont know...

then 2yrs passed na walang contact... i lost my phone and her number along with it... new phone new life... or so i thought... but on that year i was returning to my old school... and thats where shes studying... on my first day i was really excited... it was my old school so i would expect some of my old friends to be my classmates... but one stood out from the rest... it was her... i was so happy... overjoyed... ewan... so i went to class... everyone quickly recognized me... including her... wow... she still knows who i am... and luckily shes my seatmate for the whole year... yahooo... grabe... we talked a lot... we got so much closer... we even talked bout the strangest of things... she hates crabs as i do... and both our families love to eat crabs except for the both of us... weird... we talked so much that wala akong natutunan sa chem namin... sympre... sino ba pipiliin kong pakinggan? ang matandang lalake na chem teacher or a princess? sympre ang lalake... hehehe... joke lang... i had to cram on the finals to pass... whew... everything went fine except for one little detail... may kanya kanya kaming syota... waaaa... bago na naman bf niya... pero alam ko na la akong binatbat sa bf niya... isang lasallista na 2yrs older sa amin na super mega yaman... and im just a rich boy turned smart ass gangster... unfair dba? a princess deserves a prince... not a thief...

the schoolyear finally ended and then pasukan na naman... time to check whos gona be my classmates again... and wham... there she is again... i dont know if its a gift or a curse... basta classmates kami... yahooo ulit... and this time were both single... since classmates din kami last year malamang kami ang magkakasama... and i was falling even more in love with her... one problem... i cant get it out of my chest... im fuckin torpe kasi... i dont know why but shes the only girl na di k kayang sabihan ng i love you... bakit lord? everyone sees na may gusto ako sa kanya... i ask my friends kung alam ba kaya niya na i like her more than a friend... they would all tell me na obvious naman daw... so i tried my best not to be obvious... i may have overdone it also...

my first mistake was on the first few weeks of classes... she told me that she requested for a transfer to another class kc dun mga friends nya... i stopped and just said "ok"... nagalit xa kc bkit yun lang daw ang reaction ko... she even asked me if i wont stop her... i told her no kc its wat she wanted... pero s loob looban ko i was shattered... makakasama ko na sana xa 1 more year nawala pa... pero thank god di na2loy transfer nya...

den she started to ask me if i loved her... di seryoso mga tanong niya so i would just raise my eyebrow and say no... waaa... why cant i tell her... tinatanong na nga eh... punyeta ko talaga... she asked me numerous times pero la parin... waaaa...

we wer always groupmates kasi nga close kami... some people even mistake us for lovers... sana totoo... there was one activity in school wherin we would have to do some voluntary work for charitable organizations... i was the leader so hurray... i asked her where she wanted to go since 8 weekends kami doon... so i wanted her to be at least happy sa experience... she said philippine eagle park... i told her shed get what she wants... so that afternoon kinausap ko kaagad teacher ko sa cle(christian living education)... medyo close kami since sakristan ako... he told me di raw pwede yung hinihingi ko since random daw dapat ang pagpili... i had no choice but to tell him the truth... that i wanted to impress her... he understood... binigay niya sa amin ang philippine eagle... laki ng smile niya...

things were interesting... there were 5 of us in the group... isang absenot(he never attended once) dlwang magsyota and kming dlwa... i was so happy since magsyota ang mga kasama nmin we would have to give them privacy resulting to privacy for us... we did mostly nothing doon... one time i bought her beef chicharon which we both loved... yummy... but not everything went smoothly... one particular moment was when she asked if pwede ba raw kaming umakyat sa treehouse... walang tao dun so solong solo namin... instead of doin d moves nagyosi ako... sobrang nerbyos ko na kc eh... gago talaga ako... nainis xa and asked to go bak down agad... waaaa...

then somethin happened that scared the shit out of me... there is this other close friend of hers din kc... guy din... if shen not with me shes with him... then hiniwalayan yung guy ng gf niya... then he told the girls bestfriend that hes starting to fall for her... he made the bestfriend swear not to tell... but as you can expect the bestfriend told her... she started to make iwas to the guy... i asked why then she explained everythin... i was happy at first coz now masosolo ko na talaga xa... den i realized that she may feel the same way when i tell her how i really feel... so i told her to talk to him nalang kc di naman niya kasalanan na ma in love sa kaniya... she agreed and thanked me... i felt saved...

den valentines came... a week before valentines she told me lonely xa kc la daw xang matatanggap this year since la xang bf... she wanted a bouqet daw sana... so i decided it would be now or never... i secretly arranged for a bouqet of pink and white roses for valentines... and while i was at it i bought my lil sis and mom some too... my mom was so happy that she gave me a midnight surprise chocolate cake... it was heart shaped... so what happened was this... my driver delivered the cake sa haus niya b4 lunch break... when she arrived home (coz she goes home during lunch break) nandun na yung cake... she called me agad to thank me... i was wid my barkada sa mall coz dun pa sila bibili 4 valentines... fools... dont they know that such a delicate matter such as this needs to be planned? by the time we arrived back sa school naka antay na ang driver ko... nandun na ang fresh bouqet... i got it out of the car then slowly went up the stairs... when i alighted nakita ko kaagad xa... nakatalikod xa and she was talking to a classmate of ours... then nung papalapit na ako tinuro ako ng kausap niya then iniwan xa... as i gave it to her she was wearing a super big smile... then she asked me in the sweetest way kung bakit ko xa binigyan ng roses... i was so nervous... nakikita ko ang mga mukha ng mga classmates and friends namin na sumisilip... finally... i cracked... i said "wala lang, hiningi mo eh"... as she heard that her smile immediately turned to a super big frown... she walked away and i was so angry at myself... i heard countless sighs from my classmates... what a fool i am... pero pls give me some credit... it was my first time to give someone a bouqet... yup... kahit mga naging gf ko wala... xa lang...

then may isang exam kami na para sa buong batch... before kami pumasok sa room she asked if pwede ba raw magkatabi kami... i gladly said yes... then umupo na kami beside each other... then dumating ang proctor amd asked us to line up alphabetically outside... nasayangan ako sa opportunity... then to my surprise kami pa rin ang magkatabi... tapos may pumasok bigla na late... we all had to adjust... so new seating arrangement na naman... pero kami na naman ang magkatabi... 3 yata ang late that day so we had to be rearranged 3 times pero parati pa rin kaming magkatabi... then she told me the sweetest words... "wow, meant to be siguro tayo"... it was music to my ears... i think i was the happiest day of my life coz lumabas ang full potential ko... i got a 99 percentile rank on the exam meaning 99 percent who took the exam had lower scores than me... it was the highest score one could get... i calculated it and i found out that only 5 of us could get 99... and i found out that the other four were all from the honors section... among the four was our the valedectorian and salutatorian... i was shocked...

then one day a friend asked if i could accompany him later sa isang office... he told me he was gona pass a poem he was working on para ma publish sa annual compilation ng school... i asked kung pwede rin ba akong gumawa... he said pwede pero i had to do it before 5pm kc deadline na... it was 1:30pm na... so i wrote a poem kaagad... i finished it in less than an hour... then a month later lumabas ang compilation... then one of my loud mouthed classmate yelled my name... "uuuyyy, ikaw to ah, alam ko kung para kanino to"... then everyone knew in no time na may poem ako... i was a known gangster sa school tpos may sensitive side... it was something new... well... it went like this...

you sit here beside me
not knowing how i feel
weve been friends since forever
but nothings what it seems

at your lovely eyes i stare
i cant help but fall in love
it hurts so much and i cant bear
i know its you whom i cant have

so i guess ill just keep quiet then
and hope youll never find
the lonely things i keep inside
these silent dreams of mine

its entitled silent dreams by the way... she asked me for whom it was daw... i said for no one...

then retreat came... it was a 3 day 2 night retreat for the class... we were so close during the retreat... she would let me embrace her which i took to my delight... i cant believe anyone could have super soft skin... then she asked me a serious question... she asked if she should give her ex ( the lasallista guy ) another chance... she asked another guy who liked her earlier and he said no... coz marami pa daw iba jan... it was my chance... but i didnt take it... i cant take advantage of her... i told her that she should... kc baka magsisi pa xa... and if d guy would make loko again i told her to drop him agad... at least binigyan nya ng 2nd chnce dba? but i wasted another perfect chance... pero i only want the best for her... at least di ako lumabas na selfish prick... i also gave her a little surprise during the retreat nga pala... i bought some of those beef chicharon that she really liked... i had to drive an hour just to get those but they were worth it...

then graduation came... i couldnt believe that umabot na ng 1yr ay di ko pa rin nasasabi sa kanya... so i decided na ito na talaga ang last chance... so i wrote everythin down in a letter... i cant post my letter since its so personal... it came from the bottom of my shattered heart... we were gona part and sobrang nabitin ako... i asked my lady friend to give it to her... my friend told me she read it daw kaagad pero la daw reaction... then for the celebration the whole family went to gloria maris ( a chinese resto )... patapos na ang meal namin nang bigla akong kinausap ng lil sis ko... "diba si ate *** yan?"... akala ko biro lang pero nagulat ako nung nakita ko talaga siya with her family... fuck... ano ba to?

2yrs have passed since the graduation... di kami nagkaroon ng maayos na conversation ever since... a friend of mine told me that sila pa nung lasallista guy... going strong pa daw sila... well... i hope a miracle could happen so that i could be with her... i really want to spend the rest of my life with her... and i wouldnt mind if it would take a lifetime for that to happen...