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Monday, August 21, 2006

...

ei... la na akong ma post eh... so i will post some moving love stories nalang... this will be the first... its entitled 'bittersweet symphony' by 'twisted halo'...

everyone's melodramatic... everywhere i turn... boys are humming sappy love songs given strong guitar rips and renamed "emo"... their little heads banging to whatever remnant of angst beating one with their pulse... it seems like every corner of the damned school is "mushified" by couples who seem to have been super-glued together... i want to stand in front of them and shout... "it's not gonna last... you morons..."

then i see him... and my knees turn to jelly...

"ah... if it isn't the one who got away..."

i haplessly struggle to collect myself and mutter curses incessantly... i pray that he doesn't see me... time to make a u-turn... uh-oh... too late... we make eye-contact... whoever turns away first loses... shit... i lose again...

i could feel the water soaking my shirt as i go out of the campus to escape from sharing breathing space with him... what better day to see him than on valentine's day... the most overrated season of the year... bouquets of flowers are carried by beaming girls and escorts sharing umbrellas... how pathetic...

i seek shelter in the tattered pages of my chemistry book... and wait for a taxi to pass by...

if someone would dare ask me why i bacame such a cynic i'd most probably scream at them... three years of waiting would turn any girl into a gloomy gus... three years of endless understanding and patience drove me mad... i would spend hours contemplating what his messages could mean... "i've never known anyone like you..." liar... liar...

i could keenly remember the last time he gave me flowers... it was a dozen roses presented to me exactly a year ago... i still have the ribbon of the bouquet kept in the burrows of my bedside drawer... but that was it... after that... nada... not even a hi...

i spent days and days wondering why he never called... why he never visited me when i was in the hospital... why he disappeared all of a sudden... but it's been a long time since i've stopped contemplating the loss... or shall i say... his loss... i realized that no man was not worth the time and tears... that was the day i ceased to believe in infatuation... and yes... love...

i return back to reality... 'tis was the fuss of valentine season... and i was alone... soaking wet... the rain felt for me... i cried... and it cried with me...

i felt the warmth of a hand beside my cheek... it was the hand offering me the comfort of a white handkerchief to wipe the snot off my face... i hesitantly look up... it's him... i freeze... the look on my face would give scared korean horror movie actors a run for their money... i guess he saw this for he instantly stuttered endless words of apology...

"i just thought you needed this... i saw the tears fall down your face... and i couldn't help but wipe them off... look... i'm really sorry... here... take it..."

what is this guy doing in front of me... and what do i do? i mutter thanks... and turn my back on him... he doesn't move... and i painstakingly wish he wouldn't... slowly... i found the exact words to say to him...

"why didn't you call? i waited for you..."

"i couldn't... i was scared..." was the reply...

"you idiot... what could you possibly be scared of?"

"you..."

"oh... how did that happen?"

"you have no idea how horrifying it is to like a girl like you... you're complicated and unreachable... yet i feel comfort in the sharpness and depth of your thoughts... i've liked you for far too long... yet i never really found the right words to tell you... and that is why i carefully waited for all this time to let you know how i feel... i sense that you are far too emotional for an ass like me... i couldn't even imagine how to comprehend the way you think and feel..."

i felt injustice at these words... i tell him "was that meant to inform me or make me feel bad because i am an unstable emotional being? if that's the case... then why tell me now? isn't it a bit too late?"

"no... i did not mean that... the moment i saw you standing there i can't help but think of how much i wanted to be by your side... i couldn't bear the thought of waiting more... because i was afraid of actually letting go of the only opportunity i may ever have... i hope i'm not too late..." was all he said...

"whoever said you were? i've been waiting for you all this time..."

"does that mean what i think it means?"

"i hope so..."

"gee... thanks..."

i felt the flutter of butterflies in my stomach as we shared the stillness and serenity of the drops of rain falling on us... we were quiet... yet the silence felt so at home... everything was a blur...

"hey... i really have to head off now..." i tell him...

"too bad... i should be going now too..."

"okay... so this is it?"

"yeah... i guess this is it..."

"am i dreaming?"

"i hope not..."

"on more thing..."

"what's that?" he asks me...

"i'm not emo..."

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