Stupid me :p hay nako :) love talaga tsk tsk

My first love, i never felt this way before..... college a new atmosphere for me.... meeting new people with different personalities... i saw this girl in my class and i felt like love at first sight.. but i never did anything to get us closer.. like talking to her.... an opportunity came and we talked and got to know each other... courtesy of my friend from davao and from ayala heights... as time past by we got to know each other more and more... my classmates are teasing me why are we always together... they also asked me what i felt for her and i said the truth.. that i liked her......... one saturday morning, I joined her in her vehicle alone to have a ride back to school.... and i kept asking myself what should i say??... what should i say??... eventually i didnt have the guts to say it..... when i reached the school... i went to meet my friends in starbucks.. and they asked me what did i tell her??.... i said nothing just a plain conversation between two friends.... then my chubby friend who works in robinsons called her in her cellphone and kept saying stuffs like ... he loves you etc.......... then i said can i have the cellphone... i got it and talked to her outside alone... she asked me if i was just going along with what my friends saying and i said "No, what they are saying is true and its not because of them but because of what i feel, that's the way i feel"......"I want to be closer with you like being a best friend............." "etc......." after that conversation everything was cleared.... nothing changed we still got to know better and better.. we got along ..... etc...... i didnt make a move in dating her because i know she had a past experience in her former relationship... she said that she didnt want to have any relationship for the meantime... so i didnt do anything... i was just there for her as a friend..... one wednesday morning a competition was held that was hosted by our org.... i was suppose to be a marshall of one of the teams but instead i was just ordered to roam around and see if there is any problem in the competition... she was a marshall in one of the team................. as the day past by, i encountered here and she asked me something and my response was somehow angry ... i remember that i am really in a bad mood that day because of some problems in the family.... i kept thinking of those problems which make me sad somehow and lose my mood....parent problems :(....... she was shocked on the way i reacted and she went to my chubby friend to tell to him what i did and my chubby friend said to her that I was just in a bad mood.... etc........ i then afterwards tell her that i was sorry for the way i reacted..... and she said Ok....... i felt that she never accepted my sorry fully.... i think that she still brings something about the way i reacted....... huhuhuuhuhu.............. from that day on she was never the same again when i talk to her..... every day that past by she changed n changed and i never felt the way she talked to me like before.... that is what i felt...... i decided to just leave her alone.... its hard for me because i have feelings for her.... it will just be worse and worse if i dont stop..... and i did stop.... i didn't join her anymore starting the new semester and all the way up to finishing the sem....... i didnt talk to her anymore....... all in a sudden everything changed..... my classmates ask me are you still ok with her...... and i just said yeah were just okay..... etc..... time past by blah blah...... eventually her special day arrived.... we were all invited to come..... this and that happened like any ordinary special day for an 18 year old girl....... after wards me, my chubby friend, my friend from davao and my friend who is always online decided that we will go to katipunan to play computer and eat and other things..... eventually when we were finished playing we decided to eat breakfast since it was already 5 in the morning... we talked and talked.... and eventually came to the topic about me and her.... they were like my conscience saying this and that to me and my mind and heart didnt know what to do..... they would say "sayang, sayang talaga"... and mind keeps thinking on what to do.........ahhhhhhhhhhh........... then when its time to go home... i walked slowly thinking what would i do.... and i said to myself that i would speak to her about what happen.. i then find that she was online and i talked to her... i said sorry for what had happen before and our friendship has really changed..... she said that it was not a big deal to her anymore and nothing has changed to our friendship... i said to myself "wow".... then she disconnected...... i then just continued my life again normally with still some feelings in me..... as time past by..... blah blah blah............. i told my friend who is always online and my friend who lives in cotabato and some of my classmates to do something for me.... i told them to invite her to have lunch with us and i will say what i feel to her..... when lunch came... sharing of some of my classmates... and when it was my turn to share... i was nervous not because of what i will say but what will be her reaction..... i said to her that i really liked her and if given a chance to proved myself, i would do my best ............................... then I turned RED wahhh....... i waited for her response...... then after a short time... she told me and everyone her reply........... it was not the reaction i expected because i expected a y or n.............. after that happened i didnt do anything anymore up to know..... i think whats important is that i have said what i feel about her... that i like her from my heart.... right know i still have feelings for her but I set it aside inside my heart..... so maybe it would fade away or something..... but still its hard to let it fade.... i would be happy if i would be given the chance...... now im okay just being myself again, just the normal life like before hoping for something to happen.......... 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